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Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy if he bit me on the lips. Normally, I would have enjoyed it, if the lips in question were the ones on my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31972) - you deserved it (3371)
On 08/27/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by RainCl0ud - United States (California)
Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24324) - you deserved it (27492)
On 08/21/2011 at 12:54am - intimacy - by Emily - United States (New York)
Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35122) - you deserved it (2077)
On 08/19/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by leftwardfoil (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boss stopped mid-walk during a conversation about the humidity in our office, after I told him I didn't like the air conditioner on, because I'd rather not be cold and wet, and that I liked it warm and sticky. I knew then he was no longer thinking about the AC. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9161) - you deserved it (22896)
On 08/17/2011 at 9:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36327) - you deserved it (10768)
On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)
Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10318) - you deserved it (51543)
On 07/25/2011 at 11:12am - health - by Smokey9 - United States (Florida)
Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (28717) - you deserved it (5809)
On 07/17/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by douglas - United States (Washington)
Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46947) - you deserved it (7164)
On 07/15/2011 at 12:24am - animals - by flipnazn - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41229) - you deserved it (10431)
On 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65173) - you deserved it (6888)
On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my five year old niece decided to wake me up by shoving blasting earphones in my ears. Five hours later I can still hear Justin Bieber shrieking "Baby". FML
I agree, your life sucks (28491) - you deserved it (3780)
On 06/22/2011 at 2:37pm - kids - by my ears are dying - United States
Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me in the men's restroom at McDonald's. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40528) - you deserved it (6548)
On 06/22/2011 at 4:13am - intimacy - by fmlguy382 - United States
Today, I invited over my best friend, whom I've loved for over a year, since she had to tell me "something important". I got excited and thought she was going to tell me she loved me too. She ended up coming out to me, and wanted to know if I would meet her girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34263) - you deserved it (4218)
On 06/14/2011 at 2:06pm - love - by :( (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41001) - you deserved it (4219)
On 06/13/2011 at 2:25am - intimacy - by John jacob - United States (Georgia)
Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42962) - you deserved it (6046)
On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 17 June 2013
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