About Torrey_Turner : I get bitches.
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Torrey_Turner's favorite FMLs
by TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks / 09/10/2012 at 11:13pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML
by Nicole / 02/19/2012 at 8:14pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/12/2011 at 6:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by StaplerScared / 11/08/2011 at 9:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was attending my bachelor party. I watched a very attractive young girl dancing on a pole, giving me a seductive look. As she walked up to me, I realized it was my soon-to-be wife's younger sister. FML
by wellthisisawkward80 / 11/06/2011 at 1:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
by XxFA1LxX / 11/06/2011 at 1:14am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hurriedly doing laundry. I threw a second load in the dryer and slammed the door shut. All of a sudden, I heard scratching and whining coming from the dryer. My cat probably hates me now. FML
by benji / 11/01/2011 at 3:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
by bakedplum / 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a group of attractive guys at the mall. One of them looked exactly like a friend, so I decided to take a picture. Trying to be discreet, I put my phone up to my ear as if I was making a phone call, and pressed the capture button. The flash went off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 7:36pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML
by Katrin / 10/30/2011 at 3:13pm / Norway / Transportation
by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 12:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my doctor told me that the reason I'm losing my eyesight is because I'm straining my eyes, and that the best thing for me to do is to limit my time in front of computers. I spent years in college to get my current job which involves sitting in front of computers. FML
by comedybreak / 10/30/2011 at 12:31pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 2:32am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/30/2011 at 1:02am / United States / Love
- Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds… Today, I woke up early. As I was just about to fall back asleep, I was re-awoken to the sound of my… Today, I've spent nearly three weeks indulging my boyfriend's weird fetish, where he wears a hockey…