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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Tom815Cat

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Tom815Cat
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1090
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Tom815Cat's favorite FMLs

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

#2682803 (202)

I agree, your life sucks (9356) - you deserved it (53361)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

#2597926 (680)

I agree, your life sucks (6220) - you deserved it (87027)

On 06/04/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by soljaboy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710 (1201)

I agree, your life sucks (55734) - you deserved it (136027)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

#2103981 (283)

I agree, your life sucks (13622) - you deserved it (66146)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481 (435)

I agree, your life sucks (22251) - you deserved it (97750)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my fiance brought me to his friend's house to hang out. When I got there they said they were playing cards and invited me to join. I sat down with the expectation that they were playing poker. No. They were playing Magic Cards and they thought it was COOL. My fiance plays MAGIC CARDS! FML

#1864199 (707)

I agree, your life sucks (20589) - you deserved it (40366)

On 05/12/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by notyourallie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

#1818273 (212)

I agree, your life sucks (17223) - you deserved it (82051)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:25pm - intimacy - by insideout (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

#1550059 (254)

I agree, your life sucks (16787) - you deserved it (167640)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy put his ear to the keyboard and said there was a CD in the drive so I couldn't hear the grinding from the fan. He ejected the CD. It was porn. FML

#1493509 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (10301) - you deserved it (70965)

On 04/30/2009 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by cait (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

#1076233 (128)

I agree, your life sucks (38067) - you deserved it (10990)

On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

#1033363 (405)

I agree, your life sucks (19823) - you deserved it (185747)

On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by tvaladie (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML

#983061 (134)

I agree, your life sucks (11433) - you deserved it (60061)

On 04/15/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by christinabear (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347 (416)

I agree, your life sucks (27668) - you deserved it (92116)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

#869023 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (12140) - you deserved it (67764)

On 04/08/2009 at 10:48am - work - by StevieMe (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE. FML

#859604 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (54963) - you deserved it (134466)

On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)