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Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33319) - you totally deserved it (12139)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm - misc - by Tootsy_Roll_Pop (man) - United States
Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37168) - you totally deserved it (4498)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:07pm - love - by Ames (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43247) - you totally deserved it (3427)
On 05/23/2009 at 10:03am - misc - by beatricesank (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my brother and I were standing at the baggage claim, waiting for our luggage to come out. We were commenting on all the bags that appeared, and when two large hiking packs came out I exclaimed "What kind of cunts go backpacking in New York?" The old couple standing next to us, apparently. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3542) - you totally deserved it (47863)
On 05/23/2009 at 2:20am - misc - by beavis - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I decided to tell my mother what I thought about religion. I've been raised catholic. I told her I was converting to Wicca, to which she sort of nodded and walked away. I went into my room to study with my earbuds in, music loud. I walked out to see a cross nailed above my door. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26758) - you totally deserved it (20275)
On 05/23/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by Sigh (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76360) - you totally deserved it (2666)
On 04/28/2009 at 6:13pm - money - by Sad (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45324) - you totally deserved it (2974)
On 04/28/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by unlolable4321 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12334) - you totally deserved it (35644)
On 04/28/2009 at 5:49pm - love - by ugh (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my girlfriend was complaining that we don't have "a song". Irritated, I told her that I'd put on the radio, and whatever song was playing was our song from now on. I switched on the radio, and "It's Not Fair" by Lily Allen was playing. Our song is about premature ejaculation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9712) - you totally deserved it (37259)
On 04/28/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Swindon)
Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14359) - you totally deserved it (40395)
On 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm - misc - by fuckspellcheck (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15734) - you totally deserved it (68316)
On 04/28/2009 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9076) - you totally deserved it (53867)
On 04/28/2009 at 4:53am - love - by H-B (man) - United States
Today, at work I grabbed some customer keys off the board. I was checking out their cool flashlight keychain. At the exact moment I realized it wasn't a keychain, I pepper sprayed myself directly in the right eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9282) - you totally deserved it (42451)
On 04/28/2009 at 3:47am - work - by jdubious (man) - United States
Today, I went to a friend's sweet sixteen. Since I didn't know any else at the party I was really happy when the mother told me she sat me next to someone she thought I would have a lot in common with. He ended up being mentally challenged and talked to a sock puppet the whole party. FML
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On 04/10/2009 at 10:37pm - misc - by NotRetarded (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
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On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
