About The_Instigator : I'm that guy who always tangles your headphones when you're not paying attention.
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The_Instigator's favorite FMLs
Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML
by Sack / 11/10/2011 at 6:16am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Great... / 11/09/2011 at 5:48pm / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy
by StaplerScared / 11/08/2011 at 9:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML
by roadkill0321 / 11/07/2011 at 2:20am / United States / Love
by Kirby / 11/06/2011 at 11:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by hurtsmyears / 11/06/2011 at 8:23pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by dre_bro11 / 11/06/2011 at 7:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, I was attending my bachelor party. I watched a very attractive young girl dancing on a pole, giving me a seductive look. As she walked up to me, I realized it was my soon-to-be wife's younger sister. FML
by wellthisisawkward80 / 11/06/2011 at 1:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
by XxFA1LxX / 11/06/2011 at 1:14am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in an elevator with my girlfriend when it suddenly stopped. Thinking of being spontaneous like in all the movies, I propped her up on the railings and started getting passionate. That's when the emergency phone rang. And I discovered there was a security camera. FML
by Anonymous / 11/05/2011 at 8:04pm / Reserved / Intimacy
Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML
by Shelbs / 11/05/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by rj93 / 11/05/2011 at 9:43am / United Kingdom (Ballymena) / Health
by mcadabax / 11/05/2011 at 7:06am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML
by kdeeeceee / 11/05/2011 at 3:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, on the subway, a woman got off without her suitcase. I grabbed the case, chased her onto the platform, and shouted, "You forgot your suitcase!" while the doors closed behind me. In actual fact, it wasn't her suitcase, and its actual owner was still on the train. FML
by Lavalise / 11/05/2011 at 3:11am / France / Transportation
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…