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TheNewGuy03

Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 12:49pm) | Search for a member

TheNewGuy03

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 13 October 1986 (27 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 9130
  • Number of comments : 2019
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 18 posted

About TheNewGuy03 : http://rearnakedjoke.net/
http://www.facebook.com/LeftHandRightHand

Writer, photographer, lover, and fighter.
Feel free to drop a line if you feel inclined.

|the kid|

TheNewGuy03's page activity

Visits<b>xMrsCarlilex</b> - 3 hours ago<b>PsychoticAsylum</b> - 23 hours ago<b>fmlnousername</b> - yesterday at 10:44pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 12:30am<b>SandyBella</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 7:55am<b>ijustgiveup</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 9:37pm<b>Nasir_Jones</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 10:42pm<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 12:12pm<b>Nyleriver</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 9:58am<b>kayana153</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 9:30am<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 2:46pm<b>MissEris</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 10:00am<b>mattweinburgh</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 9:03pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 8:51pm<b>RavingHaven</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 8:17am<b>SarahSehhati</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 11:36pm<b>laneyk07</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 12:24am<b>ODST_Panda</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 6:40pm

TheNewGuy03's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of TheNewGuy03's badges

TheNewGuy03's favorite FMLs

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

#20024327
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23889) - you deserved it (6198)

On 08/16/2012 at 11:16am - love - by Amberain (woman) - United Kingdom (Halton)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

#19580511
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30368) - you deserved it (3541)

On 05/06/2012 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Kwalker3 - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

#19566058
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10901) - you deserved it (27040)

On 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm - money - by Optimus_Prime97 - United States

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

#19136346
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34087) - you deserved it (4984)

On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

#18966700
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29019) - you deserved it (3587)

On 02/01/2012 at 3:19am - intimacy - by crybaby - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my Christmas tree was finally shipped. FML

#18715700
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31483) - you deserved it (4057)

On 01/05/2012 at 12:13pm - misc - by awesome - United States (Maryland)

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

#18691343
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24616) - you deserved it (12810)

On 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML

#18624102
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30974) - you deserved it (2781)

On 12/27/2011 at 10:53am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

#18556841
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8888) - you deserved it (44688)

On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML

#18452488
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35445) - you deserved it (18436)

On 12/07/2011 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

#18217902
379 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18116) - you deserved it (76713)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:53am - intimacy - by dumbassbuffet (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I pressed snooze on my alarm clock for one of the first times ever. I ended up being late to my 8am class, and when I showed up, I couldn't start the projector. I called Tech Support. They came... and pushed the large button labeled "power." The whole class laughed. FML

Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML

#18139418
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29226) - you deserved it (5153)

On 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a boner at the dentist. FML

#18086799
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34227) - you deserved it (8080)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:40am - intimacy - by Me - United States



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