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TheNewGuy03

Offline (11 hours ago) | Search for a member

TheNewGuy03

13Fucked!

TheNewGuy03TheNewGuy03
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 13 October 1986 (28 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 10235
  • Number of comments : 2098
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 19 posted

About TheNewGuy03 : http://rearnakedjoke.net/
http://www.facebook.com/LeftHandRightHand
http://society6.com/claytonjones
IG: @thenewguy03
iStock: thenewguy03

Writer, photographer, lover, and fighter.
Feel free to drop a line if you feel inclined.

|the kid|

TheNewGuy03's page activity

Visits<b>Hop6e</b> - 9 hours ago<b>nicolemf4</b> - yesterday at 12:52am<b>LozzieDumpling</b> - yesterday at 8:51pm<b>daGun</b> - yesterday at 6:09pm<b>RiceKrispieTreat</b> - yesterday at 3:38pm<b>manthymonkey</b> - yesterday at 3:05pm<b>hippokrates</b> - yesterday at 2:14pm<b>townailz</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 12:38am<b>NotNeeded</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 7:10pm<b>AlexisG106271</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 3:46pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 3:09pm<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 2:00pm<b>vikky538</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 7:59am<b>melons</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 5:08am<b>catherinecas</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 4:01am<b>rudegirl209</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 3:10am<b>Feklfekl2222</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 11:09am<b>MGC501</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 6:12pm

Fucked!<b>Hop6e</b> - 3 hours ago<b>NotNeeded</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 6:46am<b>jaydoug92</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 5:32am<b>apineapple</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 3:03am<b>flyingmind</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 2:28pm<b>vikky538</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 2:03pm<b>mikeyb3</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 9:07am<b>RealSuperSand</b> - the 08/14/2015 at 12:15am<b>MRSwick2525</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 11:33pm<b>Angsty_Armadillo</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 7:16am<b>ZombieSazza</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 10:01am<b>FiFiLovee</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 8:01pm<b>missa8604</b> - the 05/28/2015 at 1:53am

TheNewGuy03's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of TheNewGuy03's badges

TheNewGuy03's favorite FMLs

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

#20061073
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21166) - you deserved it (2376)

On 09/06/2012 at 9:56pm - kids - by Chouse - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20161) - you deserved it (25815)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML

#20024327
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26767) - you deserved it (6635)

On 08/16/2012 at 11:16am - love - by Amberain (woman) - United Kingdom (Halton)

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

#19580511
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33629) - you deserved it (3858)

On 05/06/2012 at 2:39am - intimacy - by Kwalker3 - United States (California)

Today, I accidentally adopted a dolphin for $125. FML

#19566058
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12609) - you deserved it (29515)

On 05/02/2012 at 10:39pm - money - by Optimus_Prime97 - United States

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

#19136346
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37068) - you deserved it (5319)

On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discovered how startling it is to wake up by having your cat springboard off your face. The intended prey? Two fornicating geckos on the ceiling. FML

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

#18966700
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31885) - you deserved it (3864)

On 02/01/2012 at 3:19am - intimacy - by crybaby - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my Christmas tree was finally shipped. FML

#18715700
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34254) - you deserved it (4351)

On 01/05/2012 at 12:13pm - misc - by awesome - United States (Maryland)

Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML

#18691343
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27157) - you deserved it (13577)

On 01/02/2012 at 10:47pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML

#18624102
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32587) - you deserved it (2916)

On 12/27/2011 at 10:53am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

#18556841
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8986) - you deserved it (45030)

On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky. He pulled off my panties and was about to go down on me when he said, "Wait, what's this white thing?" It was a piece of toilet paper. FML

#18452488
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38421) - you deserved it (19584)

On 12/07/2011 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

#18217902
382 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19618) - you deserved it (80616)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:53am - intimacy - by dumbassbuffet (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I pressed snooze on my alarm clock for one of the first times ever. I ended up being late to my 8am class, and when I showed up, I couldn't start the projector. I called Tech Support. They came... and pushed the large button labeled "power." The whole class laughed. FML



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