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TheNewGuy03

Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 12:49pm) | Search for a member

TheNewGuy03

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 13 October 1986 (27 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 9132
  • Number of comments : 2019
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 18 posted

About TheNewGuy03 : http://rearnakedjoke.net/
http://www.facebook.com/LeftHandRightHand

Writer, photographer, lover, and fighter.
Feel free to drop a line if you feel inclined.

|the kid|

TheNewGuy03's page activity

Visits<b>xMrsCarlilex</b> - 13 hours ago<b>PsychoticAsylum</b> - yesterday at 2:55pm<b>fmlnousername</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 10:44pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 12:30am<b>SandyBella</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 7:55am<b>ijustgiveup</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 9:37pm<b>Nasir_Jones</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 10:42pm<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 12:12pm<b>Nyleriver</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 9:58am<b>kayana153</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 9:30am<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 2:46pm<b>MissEris</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 10:00am<b>mattweinburgh</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 9:03pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 8:51pm<b>RavingHaven</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 8:17am<b>SarahSehhati</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 11:36pm<b>laneyk07</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 12:24am<b>ODST_Panda</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 6:40pm

TheNewGuy03's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I never take things to heart

Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of TheNewGuy03's badges

TheNewGuy03's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML

#21256842
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39433) - you deserved it (5156)

On 09/12/2014 at 9:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48752) - you deserved it (6439)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

#20572868
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43064) - you deserved it (5204)

On 04/03/2013 at 5:17am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

#20559522
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10203) - you deserved it (62274)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. I also found out that her sister is an MMA fighter. She put me in an extremely strong chokehold until I took the break-up back. FML

#20530332
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37242) - you deserved it (6510)

On 03/03/2013 at 11:47pm - love - by she also gave me a wedgie (man) - United States (California)

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

#20518830
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25262) - you deserved it (43092)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by think i'm dating perdix (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML

#20487332
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14824) - you deserved it (37510)

On 01/31/2013 at 6:34am - money - by Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

#20176364
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18354) - you deserved it (6865)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:59am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

#20160279
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30985) - you deserved it (5756)

On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30600) - you deserved it (6423)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML

#20091945
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32456) - you deserved it (2372)

On 09/28/2012 at 4:24am - intimacy - by iNearlyHurled - United States

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

#20081762
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21894) - you deserved it (12238)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, during my uncle's funeral, my four year old loudly asked, "Where's all the dead people?" FML

#20061073
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18635) - you deserved it (2119)

On 09/06/2012 at 9:56pm - kids - by Chouse - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17995) - you deserved it (23311)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)



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