Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (the 11/23/2015 at 4:46am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 13 October 1986 (29 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 10855
  • Number of comments : 2189
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 21 posted

About TheNewGuy03 :
IG: @thenewguy03
iStock: thenewguy03

Writer, photographer, lover, and fighter.
Feel free to drop a line if you feel inclined.

|the kid|

TheNewGuy03's page activity

Visits<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 10:19am<b>belac763</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 7:02am<b>hurtfeet</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 11:10pm<b>DeadxTime</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 9:47pm<b>krispy_kreme792</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 12:34am<b>missa8604</b> - the 11/22/2015 at 4:11pm<b>bomzo</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 1:40am<b>nicolemf4</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 5:36pm<b>MaryssaJean</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 2:04pm<b>Marelena20</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 1:52pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 11:15am<b>cloco87</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 8:35am<b>andiiibandiii526</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 7:05am<b>sohigh10</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 3:58am<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 10:47am<b>DogeDogeDoge</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 3:05pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 9:44pm<b>lola4455</b> - the 11/06/2015 at 11:26am

Fucked!<b>Kruitdamp</b> - the 10/27/2015 at 10:31pm<b>vegemute</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 5:27am<b>llamameAP</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 4:46am<b>JustinJK</b> - the 09/27/2015 at 7:43pm<b>Ylime95</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 8:18pm<b>g_willikers24</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 5:26am<b>earlytermination</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 6:23am<b>emmingle</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 6:19am<b>RecklessNapkin</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 12:52am<b>grrrrrrr13</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 4:36am<b>ShortStop19</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 3:23am<b>Spudnik</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 8:19pm<b>epicx22</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 6:56pm<b>Delta329</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 5:43am<b>Walmartian2015</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 8:52pm<b>mip_92</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 7:41pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 7:24pm<b>NozomiTojo</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 6:37pm

TheNewGuy03's FML badges

Follow up

You subsequently gave feedback by commenting on an FML that you’d submitted and was published.

One ring to rule them all

You submitted an FML that was successfully published on the website. This makes you an exceptional human being.


You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of TheNewGuy03's badges

TheNewGuy03's favorite FMLs

Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27419) - you deserved it (3915)

On 09/26/2015 at 12:10am - kids - by :| (woman) - New Zealand (Nelson)

Today, my dad's order of hair clippers arrived. I've been putting off getting a haircut for a while now, and he offered to give me one for free. Long story short, he managed to ruin the hair clippers, and I now look like a diseased palm tree. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20579) - you deserved it (3044)

On 09/25/2015 at 11:40pm - misc - by paaaallllmmmssss (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip 3 years ago. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26777) - you deserved it (1456)

On 09/13/2015 at 10:22am - love - by TheLoneSoul - France

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML


I agree, your life sucks (20072) - you deserved it (8580)

On 08/24/2015 at 4:46am - misc - by Annie (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I decided to upgrade to Windows 10. I wanted to keep my old files on the current hard drive, I clicked on the keep old files option. Thanks to Windows, I lost everything. FML


I agree, your life sucks (22002) - you deserved it (5361)

On 08/23/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by Arrkyna (man) -

Today, I found out the girl I met online, who I spent hours talking to every day for the past 2 months, and who I fell in love with is actually my gay roomate. He says if I could fall in love with "her", I can fall in love with him. It doesn't work that way, dickhead. FML


I agree, your life sucks (28171) - you deserved it (4325)

On 08/19/2015 at 2:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I had to take my husband's laptop to University for an in-class exam. I opened the screen, and loud porn started to auto-play. The silence in the class was deafening as I tried to make it stop. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50924) - you deserved it (7093)

On 09/12/2014 at 9:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML


I agree, your life sucks (53641) - you deserved it (6986)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46615) - you deserved it (5509)

On 04/03/2013 at 5:17am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML


I agree, your life sucks (11379) - you deserved it (66034)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML


I agree, your life sucks (27893) - you deserved it (46320)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, on my way to work, I hit a pothole about the size of Alabama, bending my wheel and flattening my tire. After changing it and having to explain myself to my furious boss, I went back on that road in my other car to take a picture of the pothole. While looking for it, I hit it again. FML


I agree, your life sucks (16471) - you deserved it (40410)

On 01/31/2013 at 6:34am - money - by Well... fuck me sideways and call me Eustace (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (21488) - you deserved it (7464)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:59am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35062) - you deserved it (6283)

On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Céline's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can…

Friday 27 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: