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TheMathMajor's favorite FMLs
by Jjay08 / 04/26/2016 at 5:17pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML
by mouse_13 / 01/15/2016 at 1:28am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy
Today, it's the third week of my dad's midlife crisis. So far he's blown half my college fund pimping out his piece of shit car, keeps texting me meme pictures, and keeps yelling "Savage!" and "Recked!" any time my mom makes a joke at anyone's expense. FML
by Colin Jr. / 09/23/2015 at 9:24am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML
by Lily / 09/02/2015 at 6:09am / Austria (Wien) / Health
Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
by FishFlingingMonkey / 08/21/2015 at 11:55pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by it's awkward / 08/11/2015 at 12:22pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML
by fack / 07/29/2015 at 10:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house for the first time. He soon found out about my sleep-talking habit. I started ranting about "electron shaming" and I apparently passionately support their "sub-atomic lifestyle". Yes, he managed to get it on video. FML
by wantmeasandwich / 07/10/2015 at 12:57pm / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous
Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML
by AshWil / 06/26/2015 at 12:54pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Work
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML
by Arcanin3Boss / 06/23/2015 at 2:37am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by poncho55 / 02/21/2015 at 3:28pm / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend commented on one of his his ex-girlfriend's Facebook photos, saying how smoking hot she looks and how much he wants her. His excuse was that the photo was posted before he was with me, so he's clearly doing nothing wrong. FML
by annie_xox / 02/20/2015 at 9:39am / United Kingdom (Neath Port Talbot) / Love
by OzzyWannabee / 02/20/2015 at 3:12am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML
by AOart1st / 11/20/2014 at 10:25pm / United States (California) / Health
by That_Indian_Guy / 11/15/2014 at 8:25am / United States (Florida) / Work