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Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34900) - you totally deserved it (4532)
On 07/05/2009 at 6:07am - misc - by wetboy (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39819) - you totally deserved it (1497)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:21am - work - by Barista (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25596) - you totally deserved it (5734)
On 07/04/2009 at 6:42am - kids - by Peta2nNoMore (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself "what the hell is solid water??". Then I heard my little cousin say "ice". I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML
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On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (30654) - you totally deserved it (2299)
On 06/22/2009 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my boyfriend called me and I told him about the AnimeCon I'm attending, and that I wanted to go as Sailor Mars, he told me he had no idea what that was. After being mad for about ten minutes, I realized that I wanted to break up with him over not knowing what Sailor Moon was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5543) - you totally deserved it (48032)
On 06/22/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)
Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29986) - you totally deserved it (3278)
On 06/19/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by bear92 - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was installing the official 3.0 firmware update for my iPhone. Apple's authentication servers crashed. I now own an iBrick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33801) - you totally deserved it (5210)
On 06/18/2009 at 9:05am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I introduced my ex-wife to my new girlfriend. They got along so well that my new girlfriend is going to my ex-wife's house tonight "just to hang out". FML
I agree, your life sucks (34845) - you totally deserved it (13987)
On 06/13/2009 at 6:35am - love - by Michael (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30805) - you totally deserved it (4189)
On 06/13/2009 at 1:17am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML
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On 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by unicorn (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When i got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42766) - you totally deserved it (1543)
On 06/12/2009 at 12:06am - health - by angela (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5843) - you totally deserved it (51434)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by feeldumb - United States (New York)
Today, I was vacuuming my car and started to joke around with my six year old brother by sucking up his shirt and hair with the vacuum. I accidently sucked up his penis. My mom has caught him three times with the vacuum now. I turned my brother into a pervert. FML
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On 06/11/2009 at 12:12am - kids - by Perv (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40225) - you totally deserved it (2483)
On 06/10/2009 at 9:43pm - love - by Ryuga (man) - United States (Florida)
