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TheFirstSamurai

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TheFirstSamurai
  • Town/Country : London, England
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 April 1994 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 2217
  • Number of comments : 173
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheFirstSamurai : I'm too lazy to fill this in right now, but there's a cool picture of a Cowboy Samurai so that should hopefully keep you satisfied.

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TheFirstSamurai's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

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TheFirstSamurai's favorite FMLs

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

#19637447
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12994) - you deserved it (23307)

On 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice girl, when all of a sudden some kids let off firecrackers behind me. I shrieked like a little girl and practically jumped into her lap. FML

#19625329
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16147) - you deserved it (3942)

On 05/15/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was having dinner with my college friends to celebrate the end of our first year. I said really great things about them as individuals. The only thing they had to say to me was, "Thanks for being the token black friend." FML

#19624704
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21301) - you deserved it (2603)

On 05/14/2012 at 10:23pm - misc - by foreverbrown (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him, saying that the only thing he would change about me is my last name. I later told him that I wanted to keep my last name after the marriage. I'm now single again. FML

#19624313
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18665) - you deserved it (35859)

On 05/14/2012 at 9:09pm - love - by singleagain (woman) - United States

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

#19623439
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35973) - you deserved it (3779) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm - misc - by lafinesse (woman) -

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

#19615713
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25320) - you deserved it (2504)

On 05/13/2012 at 8:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got all my wisdom teeth out. Have you ever thrown up after mouth surgery? Stomach acid in your bloody gum holes is just as fun as it sounds. FML

Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML

#19609877
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9488) - you deserved it (53702)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Hunter101 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

#19608158
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18950) - you deserved it (5422)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by rongo12 (man) -

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

#19608060
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17484) - you deserved it (2402)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm - work - by mel (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

#19607447
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10685) - you deserved it (18497)

On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML

#19602303
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24881) - you deserved it (1745)

On 05/10/2012 at 11:45am - misc - by PollingLow (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

#19601611
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22390) - you deserved it (3445)

On 05/10/2012 at 7:48am - love - by JG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

#19601611
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22390) - you deserved it (3445)

On 05/10/2012 at 7:48am - love - by JG (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to explain to my neighbor that black people aren't all lactose intolerant. His eyes still bulge out every time I eat cheese. FML



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