TheFirstSamurai

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TheFirstSamurai

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 April 1994 (22 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4971
  • Number of comments : 173
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheFirstSamurai : I'm too lazy to fill this in right now, but there's a cool picture of a Cowboy Samurai so that should hopefully keep you satisfied.

TheFirstSamurai's page activity

Visits<b>Daniel_A_Bass</b> - the 04/03/2016 at 4:04pm<b>Kyle17206</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 2:50pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 11/03/2015 at 9:18pm<b>RavingHaven</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 4:40pm<b>raven83</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 8:11pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 11:09pm<b>Sal_Plissken</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 8:18am<b>kelseysking</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 10:57am<b>StevoKing666</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 3:22pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 5:17pm<b>CockAsian</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 1:25pm<b>edward80</b> - the 05/26/2014 at 9:23pm<b>ThatSlappinBass</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 1:20pm<b>GreenBeast</b> - the 02/27/2014 at 3:52pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 7:57pm<b>FuhrerBurg</b> - the 02/07/2014 at 11:06pm<b>harrrrlie</b> - the 01/09/2014 at 11:53am<b>potatomanjr</b> - the 09/11/2013 at 11:52pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 2:05pm<b>RavingHaven</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 10:40pm

TheFirstSamurai's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

See all of TheFirstSamurai's badges

TheFirstSamurai's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking to the movie theatre with my boyfriend, when three guys muscled over and told us to hand over our phones. My boyfriend didn't waste any time pushing past me and running like hell, leaving me in tears and almost having a panic attack. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2012 at 4:02pm / Ukraine (Kyyiv) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

by LOTRfail / 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my long-term boyfriend insisted on me going down on him. When I asked what he would do in return, he said "I was thinking McDonald's". FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2012 at 12:39pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

by *facefloor* / 07/24/2012 at 4:08pm / United States / Health

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Health

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

by Joey / 07/24/2012 at 1:04am / United States (Florida) / Transportation

Today, I went to my local coffee shop. I soon witnessed the girl making my drink apparently dislodge a wedgie from her ass-crack and then sneeze into her hands. When I confronted her, she loudly accused me of "visually molesting" her. FML

by bitchimgay / 07/22/2012 at 12:48pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change. FML

by oops123 / 07/16/2012 at 10:38am / United States / Kids

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

by checkup / 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Intimacy

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 4:10pm / Nigeria (Lagos) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

by Marjorie / 07/13/2012 at 1:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

by a4rk / 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm / Malaysia (Sarawak) / Work

Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML

by Jenna / 07/03/2012 at 7:20pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Love