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TheCamoWulf's favorite FMLs
Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML
by waterproblem / 05/27/2009 at 7:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML
by KMROYALShottie / 05/27/2009 at 12:50am / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I parked my car in a garage that cost $13 for every 10 minutes past 10 o'clock. When I came back to the garage at 10, I had forgotten where I parked it and spent an hour looking for it. I paid $78 to lose my car. FML
by lostcar / 05/26/2009 at 1:39am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I went to the hospital in premature labor. Alone, I texted my best friend/crush and asked him to come and sit with me for an hour while I waited on my mom to arrive. Eating cornflakes and watching TV, he replied "I can't". Apparently TV is more important than a best friend in labor. FML
by way2gosam / 05/26/2009 at 12:52am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by silvercity09 / 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML
by wordmalfunction / 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML
by Angelofkarma / 05/25/2009 at 2:05pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love
by EMT_Koulianos / 05/25/2009 at 11:14am / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML
by Anonymous / 05/25/2009 at 10:55am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my Grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box,"Face this side toward crowd for best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on it's side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML
by Tyler_Padgett / 05/24/2009 at 7:52pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
by burned / 05/24/2009 at 9:44am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Clueless / 05/24/2009 at 1:01am / United States / Miscellaneous
by partygirlxxx / 05/23/2009 at 11:01pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML
by CastAway / 05/23/2009 at 8:16pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by Tootsy_Roll_Pop / 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous