This member hasn't filled in the description.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we we're watching a movie in my basement. I run upstairs and pop a bag of popcorn. Later I come downstairs to find my 10 year old brother sitting next to my girlfriend saying," My brother always says he wants to screw your brains out, whatever that means". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21656) - you deserved it (54957)
On 03/26/2009 at 11:42am - kids - by CaoNiMa (man) - China (Beijing)
Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66855) - you deserved it (9767)
On 03/26/2009 at 8:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mom told me she spent $760 on "quantum pendants" that "produce scalar energy that helps to enhance the body’s biofield." When I told her she got scammed, she denied it and yelled at me. Best part? She frequently lectures me about how I waste my money and spend irresponsibly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53913) - you deserved it (3626)
On 03/26/2009 at 1:06am - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12701) - you deserved it (56254)
On 03/26/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by Alex (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I finally had my tongue piercing heal up so I decided to try oral on my girl. Unfortunately, she has a hood piercing that got caught on my tongue ring, and neither of us could get them apart. We had to call my mom in to solve the problem. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45245) - you deserved it (87039)
On 03/25/2009 at 5:04pm - intimacy - by Truan (man) - United States (California)
Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66199) - you deserved it (4903)
On 03/25/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by toast - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31972) - you deserved it (75436)
On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my friends decided that I eat too many snacks. To emphasize this point, they went behind my back and printed 300 pages with my face and the words "NO SNACKS" on them. They were posted in every academic building on campus, including every room I have class in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58446) - you deserved it (7786)
On 03/25/2009 at 1:45am - misc - by face (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77801) - you deserved it (7565)
On 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm - work - by mrWrong (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (56439) - you deserved it (4289)
On 03/24/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by Rai (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69332) - you deserved it (6940)
On 03/24/2009 at 6:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was telling my younger brother and sister how important it is to know how to use a knife properly : while slicing potatoes. Just as I was saying how stupid people can be with knives, the potato slipped on the counter. I sliced open my hand while talking about knife safety. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16858) - you deserved it (42557)
On 03/24/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by nessacadesa (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27181) - you deserved it (66759)
On 03/24/2009 at 12:19am - health - by smokythebear (man) - United States
Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27181) - you deserved it (66759)
On 03/24/2009 at 12:19am - health - by smokythebear (man) - United States
Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58460) - you deserved it (7790)
On 03/23/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by The_HML - United States (Maryland)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
