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TheCamoWulf's favorite FMLs
Today, I discovered I have epilepsy. 10 years ago, I told my mother about my frequent fits of vertigo, deja vu, nausea, flashes of memory and strange sounds, smells, and images, coupled with an other-worldly feeling. I thought they were holy visions. So did she. FML
by seizure_girl / 08/15/2013 at 9:32am / United States (South Dakota) / Health
Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML
by Aly / 08/15/2013 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I fell asleep on the beach while tanning. I was woken up by the flock of seagulls eating the bread from my stomach. Why was bread on my stomach? Because my little brother knows birds are my biggest fear. FML
by Nanana32 / 08/14/2013 at 4:28pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals
Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 3:47pm / United States / Work
Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 5:11am / United States (Florida) / Animals
by KnowWhereYourTowelIs / 08/14/2013 at 3:13am / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous
by ANON / 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by cookiemonster / 08/13/2013 at 12:10pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Miscellaneous
by hairless by death / 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was eating with my grandma and her sister, who don't get along. I went to the bathroom for just 2 minutes, only to come back to find pancakes everywhere and our plates smashed on the ground. They got into a "little argument". FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by skaterboy / 08/13/2013 at 11:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
by really? / 08/13/2013 at 2:58am / United States / Love
Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML
by SparkOfJade / 08/13/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
by idonteven / 08/12/2013 at 4:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this… Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes,… Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different…
- Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside…