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TheAlxEnigma

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TheAlxEnigma
  • Town/Country : England
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 19 June 1991 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 4805
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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TheAlxEnigma's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

#283028 (279)

I agree, your life sucks (173111) - you deserved it (30413)

On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States

Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML

#278783 (313)

I agree, your life sucks (43643) - you deserved it (78431)

On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (363090) - you deserved it (401439)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

#253900 (177)

I agree, your life sucks (64589) - you deserved it (5626)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by missy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

#250417 (192)

I agree, your life sucks (19557) - you deserved it (72189)

On 03/09/2009 at 9:35am - intimacy - by Ethan (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I bragged to a coworker that our boss compliments me constantly on my work performance, my fashion sense, and my trustworthiness. She then directed me to a "neighborhood watch" website. My boss is a registered sex offender. FML

#239569 (66)

I agree, your life sucks (42237) - you deserved it (5593)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:47am - intimacy - by Kat (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I finally told my best friend whom I've secretly been in love with for two years that I was in love with her but at the last second chickened out and said I was joking. She replied with "Don't scare me like that. I thought i was going to have to find a new best friend for a second" FML

#230798 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (53357) - you deserved it (4962)

On 03/06/2009 at 11:17pm - love - by crap (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML

#209822 (125)

I agree, your life sucks (58494) - you deserved it (6403)

On 03/04/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Damn_her (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML

#185328 (448)

I agree, your life sucks (26698) - you deserved it (322952)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by PicturePerfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

#179475 (77)

I agree, your life sucks (41946) - you deserved it (7027)

On 03/02/2009 at 12:52am - kids - by alejita (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting in the living room with my parents when my dad asked my mom if she knew where he could find some double a batteries. She said to check my vibrator. He said he already did. FML

#147476 (92)

I agree, your life sucks (52832) - you deserved it (6102)

On 02/26/2009 at 9:25pm - misc - by lifesux17 (woman) - United States (New York)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML

#127425 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (82826) - you deserved it (3120)

On 02/24/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Rich (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML

#75299 (78)

I agree, your life sucks (39588) - you deserved it (7612)

On 02/19/2009 at 1:14am - animals - by zac545 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML

#62325 (96)

I agree, your life sucks (13350) - you deserved it (35968)

On 02/17/2009 at 6:33pm - misc - by loser (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

#61591 (29)

I agree, your life sucks (37388) - you deserved it (2183)

On 02/17/2009 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by jons (man) - United States (Connecticut)