I'm that guy...
I'm a FML addict...
Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19452) - you totally deserved it (69968)
On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (434562) - you totally deserved it (82588)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by jgondi1 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14099) - you totally deserved it (42805)
On 02/27/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by LuvShawn (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at the beach with my buddy. Messing around, he swam up behind me and dunked me under the water. Naturally, moments later I swam behind him, grabbed both his ankles and stood up, flipping him completely, only to see him watching me from a few feet away. I flipped a 70 year old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11612) - you totally deserved it (34353)
On 02/27/2009 at 1:03am - misc - by beachbum (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10844) - you totally deserved it (38284)
On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I took the subway to school and the man across from me would not stop staring at my breasts. Finally the train came to my stop, so as I got up I said "Nothing to see now, asshole", but then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off too. He was blind. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6738) - you totally deserved it (49405)
On 02/26/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by belladonna (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12232) - you totally deserved it (42007)
On 02/26/2009 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by FMluck (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashed him. When he came around to me he stopped and said "I will give you these beads NOT to flash me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40089) - you totally deserved it (2530)
On 02/25/2009 at 10:12pm - misc - by MADfml - United States (Virginia)
Today, the guy I like told me in casual conversation that I shouldn't get mad at him if he makes out with other girls at the bar, he only does it when he's drunk, that he doesn't really like them. We've been sleeping together for a week now. He met me at the bar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13586) - you totally deserved it (20519)
On 02/25/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by seriously? (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41333) - you totally deserved it (2387)
On 02/21/2009 at 8:15pm - health - by Vince (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27259) - you totally deserved it (6227)
On 02/21/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by taperjeangirl - United States (Washington)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71742) - you totally deserved it (4600)
On 02/21/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97198) - you totally deserved it (17498)
On 02/21/2009 at 5:11pm - love - by GD (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7170) - you totally deserved it (46411)
On 02/21/2009 at 4:57pm - misc - by Dani (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10983) - you totally deserved it (76021)
On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
