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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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Tgo19053's favorite FMLs
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML
by boopadoop / 10/20/2011 at 1:35pm / United States / Intimacy
by ikickgingers / 10/19/2011 at 12:49pm / United States / Work
by lolilovemyboyfriend / 10/19/2011 at 10:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML
by adieuvelib / 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
by myasshurts / 10/14/2011 at 7:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Nixontones / 10/14/2011 at 11:09am / United States (Illinois) / Health
by radioactiveglowinthedarkthing / 10/10/2011 at 3:06pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Health
Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML
by ohgawd / 10/08/2011 at 2:48am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML
by TheAnnoyedNeighbor / 10/03/2011 at 2:08am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Emmy / 10/02/2011 at 2:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by kewtness_17 / 10/01/2011 at 7:10pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML
by Andrew / 08/23/2011 at 10:46am / United States / Intimacy
by Smokey9 / 07/25/2011 at 11:12am / United States (Florida) / Health
by Eve / 06/24/2011 at 6:45am / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…