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Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37351) - you deserved it (2179)
On 09/18/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by oh_its_true (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was waiting for a delivery between 9am-8pm. At 7:30 pm, I finally decided to have a 3 minute (desperately needed) shower. During which time the delivery man came. I ran down the street in a towel that barely covered me. He was driving away looking at me in the mirror laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27263) - you deserved it (7531)
On 09/18/2009 at 1:24pm - misc - by calamityjosie (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31169) - you deserved it (6840)
On 09/14/2009 at 6:05am - money - by JhKhS (man) - United Kingdom (Devon)
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43815) - you deserved it (2267)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (51048) - you deserved it (11675)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27737) - you deserved it (2421)
On 09/11/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by CollegeFreshman (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37204) - you deserved it (3177)
On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12785) - you deserved it (3491)
On 09/10/2009 at 2:18am - intimacy - by Loveless (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. At least, I thought I did, until I woke up to my pants, sheets, and boyfriend all soaking wet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30615) - you deserved it (5698)
On 09/10/2009 at 1:32am - misc - by Embarassed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonalds. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38356) - you deserved it (2426)
On 09/06/2009 at 7:12pm - money - by effmylife (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at a party when I got covered in the liquid from a glow stick. Thinking it wasn't a big deal I went to rub it off, but it stuck to my clothes. The cops came so everyone ran and hid in the bushes because we were all drunk. The cops arrested fifteen people because I glowed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11422) - you deserved it (31143)
On 09/05/2009 at 4:54pm - misc - by Idiots (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97333) - you deserved it (23463)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went para sailing for the first time ever. My friends thought it would be funny to pull down my trunks right before my feet left the boat. I dangled there in the air for the whole resort to see. And I lost my shorts in the ocean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33869) - you deserved it (2176)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:50am - misc - by no_hullabalo (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-wan)
Today, I got shoved into a wall and pickpocketed. I was already in a bad mood from being dumped, so I chased the guy, tackled him so hard he was knocked out. As I retrieved my things, the police arrested me and apparently the robber was the cop's son, and didn't believe my statement. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52223) - you deserved it (2206)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:14am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49711) - you deserved it (16551)
On 09/03/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by robbed (man) - United States (Michigan)
Monday 20 May 2013
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