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Tequilamockngbrd's favorite FMLs
Today, I applied for college graduation. Turns out my advisor screwed me over and now I'm 1 credit hour short of getting my degree. Now I have to wait another semester and pay $3,500 just to take a one hour class on Bowling so that I can graduate. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2009 at 12:46am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by dumbass / 10/01/2009 at 4:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML
by unloved / 10/01/2009 at 10:25am / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year old son came up to me and asked if he can "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereals. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2009 at 1:17am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Kids
Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML
by shield1123 / 09/28/2009 at 10:07pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally found out that someone had stolen my debit card and maxed it out. The good news? Whoever it was forgot to change the address on the card, so everything they bought online has been shipped to me. The bad news? I've received 16 snuggies so far, and I'm still counting. FML
by SnuggieOverload / 09/28/2009 at 4:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I met my boyfriend's father for the first time. We were at a restaurant and my bofriend kept playing footsie with me under the table. When my boyfriend excused himself to go to the restroom, the game of footsie was still going on. FML
by ohcrap / 09/28/2009 at 12:10am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by screwwyou / 09/27/2009 at 9:16pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML
by absentmindedmoron / 09/27/2009 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a blind date with a girl someone in my office set me up with. Before the waitress returned with our drinks, this girl asked me to go to her parent's house and pretend to be the father of her yet unborn child because the real father is a drug addict and in jail for stealing her dad's car. FML
by oh_its_true / 09/18/2009 at 3:23pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was waiting for a delivery between 9am-8pm. At 7:30 pm, I finally decided to have a 3 minute (desperately needed) shower. During which time the delivery man came. I ran down the street in a towel that barely covered me. He was driving away looking at me in the mirror laughing. FML
by calamityjosie / 09/18/2009 at 1:24pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Miscellaneous
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
by JhKhS / 09/14/2009 at 6:05am / United Kingdom (Devon) / Money
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm / United States (California) / Love
by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
by CollegeFreshman / 09/11/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…