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Tequilamockngbrd's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/18/2009 at 9:36am / Sweden (Norrbottens Lan) / Health
by booste / 10/18/2009 at 12:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by userrrrr / 10/17/2009 at 10:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
by Ethan / 10/17/2009 at 7:13am / United States (California) / Animals
by xXx / 10/16/2009 at 4:20am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML
by Blanerd / 10/15/2009 at 8:33am / United States (New Jersey) / Work
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by PanFace / 10/13/2009 at 2:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I was taking a bubble bath, and had my iPod touch on the side of my bathtub so I could listen to my music. My dog walked up to the side of the tub, looked me in the eye, and nudged my iPod into the water. FML
by bubbles / 10/12/2009 at 1:36am / United States / Animals
Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML
by prickly / 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by foxbrat / 10/11/2009 at 2:18am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
by zappy / 10/11/2009 at 12:40am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
by BEE / 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally plucked up the courage to propose to my girlfriend of 7 months. I took her out to the park where we had our first kiss, I got down on one knee, and before I could say "Will you marry me" a bird shat on my head. FML
by -bird-poop- / 10/10/2009 at 8:52am / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Love
- Today, waking up I noticed that my female boss had texted me during the night, telling me she wants… Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My… Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty…