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Tequilamockngbrd's favorite FMLs
Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML
by Falafax / 11/12/2009 at 4:37pm / United States / Work
Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML
by helluvasinger / 11/12/2009 at 6:00am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Miscellaneous
by neuroticallyours / 11/12/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
by Abby / 11/10/2009 at 7:10pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was falling asleep on my desk, my head on my fist. My elbow slipped off the edge of the desk and I punched myself, leaving a fist mark on my cheek. At school, people think my parents hit me. My parents think I'm getting bullied at school. No one believes the actual story. FML
by Dobby123 / 11/08/2009 at 3:44pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML
by Poopyhead / 11/08/2009 at 2:14pm / Ireland (Cork) / Health
Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML
by Cellismasher / 11/04/2009 at 5:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by scaryhairy / 11/03/2009 at 8:44pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/01/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
by Joe / 11/01/2009 at 11:35am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/31/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I invited my very animal phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals. FML
by Anon / 10/31/2009 at 7:08am / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Love
Today, it's Saturday night, and also Halloween. Instead of going out, I'm sitting at home on MSN telling everyone who asks me what I'm doing tonight that I'm 'going out in 10 minutes to a party', then when 10 minutes pass, I block them. FML
by pathetic / 10/31/2009 at 6:08am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML
by TrueScotsman / 10/29/2009 at 10:31am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous