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Today, I was putting my contacts in when my daughter decided to jump on me from behind to scare me, causing me to poke myself in the eye. I'm now wearing an eye patch due to a scratched cornea while my daughter is singing some song titled "You are a pirate". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24104) - you deserved it (2043)
On 11/13/2009 at 5:06am - kids - by dessaye (man) - Singapore
Today, I was informed by my boss that he has been stealing quarters out of my change bowl to pay for his bus rides. He makes six times the amount I make. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24331) - you deserved it (1413)
On 11/12/2009 at 4:40pm - work - by JBK06262009 (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I auditioned for a part and made it because the director thought I would be "perfect" for the part and I was "just like the character in every way." The part is for a schizophrenic drug addict who everyone hates and is stabbed to death in the second scene. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20890) - you deserved it (3362)
On 11/12/2009 at 4:37pm - work - by Falafax (man) - United States
Today, I went to a karaoke bar that my girlfriend works at. I'm a halfway decent singer, so I picked out a song we both liked and decided to give it a go. Halfway through the song I sneezed, tripped, fell off the stage and knocked myself out in front of my girlfriend and fifty bar patrons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20568) - you deserved it (4288)
On 11/12/2009 at 6:00am - misc - by helluvasinger (man) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)
Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26595) - you deserved it (4303)
On 11/12/2009 at 2:11am - love - by neuroticallyours (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my credit card number was stolen. The thief used it to purchase identity theft protection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27015) - you deserved it (1672)
On 11/10/2009 at 8:17pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I got wasted at a party and went out to my car to get something. I went back to the house and realized I got locked out. After knocking on the door, ringing the doorbell, and shouting "LET ME INNNN" my friend called and asked where I was. That's when I realized I was at the wrong house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4229) - you deserved it (24251)
On 11/10/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by Abby (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my wife told me that she's pregnant. I said "Really?" in a disbelieving tone, but leaned forward to kiss her anyway. She responded by puking all over my face. Never doubt what a woman says. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22192) - you deserved it (7218)
On 11/10/2009 at 4:00am - love - by dessaye (man) - Singapore
Today, I was falling asleep on my desk, my head on my fist. My elbow slipped off the edge of the desk and I punched myself, leaving a fist mark on my cheek. At school, people think my parents hit me. My parents think I'm getting bullied at school. No one believes the actual story. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23090) - you deserved it (3635)
On 11/08/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by bob (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)
Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20350) - you deserved it (10914)
On 11/08/2009 at 2:14pm - health - by Poopyhead (woman) - Ireland (Cork)
Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped my $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's what you call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27776) - you deserved it (14797)
On 11/04/2009 at 5:37pm - misc - by Cellismasher (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I accidentally cut myself with a razor blade on my toe. Not only does it sting really badly, but it reinforces the fact that I have abnormally hairy toes that need to be shaved. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16671) - you deserved it (3643)
On 11/03/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by scaryhairy (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because her mom said she would buy her a pug if she did. I got dumped for a dog, and an ugly one for that matter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27724) - you deserved it (4301)
On 11/01/2009 at 12:43pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9218) - you deserved it (34222)
On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4609) - you deserved it (21851)
On 10/31/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Lexi - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
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