About Tempest559 : FML's cheer me up. I'm a specialized mechanic. My dog is the world to me. I enjoy the mountains more than the beach. I like to cook, camp, shoot, go to concerts and bla bla bla. I'm tired of listing shit on here already. Also I thought the douchy picture was a funny move. And no more douchy photo because of all the hating. And I brought it back again, let's see how many negative comments I'll get this time.
Tempest559's FML badges
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Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Tempest559's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML
by SecondBest,IGuess / 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML
by JacktheRussian / 04/07/2013 at 8:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 3:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I checked the app I had used during the night. It's supposed to record you while you sleep if you make any noise, and I had downloaded because my friends say I snore. The only noise it picked up was my parents having sex. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 4:08am / United States (Wyoming) / Intimacy
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML
by Lucy / 07/21/2012 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
by rawr_fml001 / 05/11/2012 at 7:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by T3STI / 05/06/2012 at 9:44pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/14/2012 at 2:27am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 03/27/2012 at 11:54am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by ktinanic / 12/30/2011 at 12:27pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML
by neednewdeoderant / 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 1:45am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me for Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could find in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walked into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML
by Anon / 11/22/2011 at 8:53pm / United States / Love
by Chubby / 11/17/2011 at 11:50am / United States / Work
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, it’s been a week since I arrived in Cuba. Gustav came to visit us. Now it’s Hannah’s turn.… Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you…