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TehCookieMonster

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TehCookieMonster
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  • Number of visits : 318
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TehCookieMonster's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18374) - you deserved it (1553)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

#20138046
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14923) - you deserved it (812)

On 10/29/2012 at 12:31am - misc - by tcm123 - United States (Illinois)

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

#20136968
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17161) - you deserved it (3553)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML

#20136682
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14698) - you deserved it (2191)

On 10/28/2012 at 8:29am - work - by radioinvader (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking a walk with a girl I really like. Trying to impress her, I mentioned I'd just learned how to do a front flip, and she told me to prove it. I did the flip, but stumbled forward on the landing and smacked head-first into a pole. She's still laughing. FML

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

#20133155
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13893) - you deserved it (3425)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by mental - United States

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

#20131002
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19820) - you deserved it (1763)

On 10/24/2012 at 7:14am - misc - by bill - United States (Maryland)

Today, I discovered my son, who has recently moved out of our home, eating his dog's food. His excuse? He wanted the new Pokemon game, and "compromises had to be made". FML

#20122132
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14962) - you deserved it (1790)

On 10/18/2012 at 4:33am - kids - by anon - Australia

Today, it was my 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend. As we were about to exchange gifts, he got a call and said he had to go home immediately. What was the emergency? His guild leader couldn't find another healer to finish a raid and promised my boyfriend gear if he would step up. FML

#20120587
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15372) - you deserved it (2988)

On 10/17/2012 at 1:16am - love - by Marie (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18849) - you deserved it (4575)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19927) - you deserved it (4039)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML

#20119331
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14307) - you deserved it (8161)

On 10/16/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by bargainshopper (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21039) - you deserved it (2392)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML

#20118123
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19115) - you deserved it (2784)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by anon - United States (Virginia)



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