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TehCookieMonster

Offline (the 12/29/2013 at 1:40am) | Search for a member

TehCookieMonster

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1640
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TehCookieMonster's page activity

Visits<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:45pm<b>GentlemanBastard</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 8:55pm<b>alicespoons</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm<b>brookenicolee29</b> - the 02/15/2014 at 4:16pm<b>Ashamed_Sister</b> - the 01/17/2014 at 11:59pm<b>LoveMeDontHateMe</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 1:40pm

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TehCookieMonster's favorite FMLs

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

#19215354
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28205) - you deserved it (3731)

On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20857) - you deserved it (26325)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

#19207930
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27047) - you deserved it (8870)

On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, my dad made me deliver a welcoming cake to our new neighbors. While I was making small-talk, I saw him climb over their backyard fence. A minute later, he climbed back over, with a plastic deck-chair in hand. I feel like an accessory to the pettiest theft in history. FML

#19205333
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21808) - you deserved it (1807)

On 03/02/2012 at 9:24pm - misc - by wtf dad (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after a nice swim at the local pool, I ran into a naked girl in the showers. She screamed, kicked me in the nuts and ran off. I still have no clue what she was doing in the men's shower room. FML

#19189124
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34458) - you deserved it (2391)

On 02/29/2012 at 2:18pm - misc - by ouch (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)

Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML

#19187545
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8686) - you deserved it (30694)

On 02/29/2012 at 5:36am - intimacy - by areyouserious - United States

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

#19174199
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34491) - you deserved it (5265)

On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom

Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML

#19170840
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18140) - you deserved it (3311)

On 02/26/2012 at 9:43pm - misc - by slickrick22 (man) - United States

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

#19166851
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16551) - you deserved it (28563)

On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)

Today, the captain of my school's girls wrestling team asked me out. I politely declined. She angrily locked me in the trunk of my own car. FML

#19165097
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26958) - you deserved it (4100)

On 02/26/2012 at 1:12am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 18-year old son decided to run his hand over our wooden fence to try and get a splinter, as he "forgot what they felt like." Last month, he stabbed himself in the arm with a sewing needle because he "forgot what an injection feels like." I raised this idiot. FML

#19159270
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30576) - you deserved it (7505)

On 02/25/2012 at 6:25am - misc - by badmom (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I tried to make a rocket, using Diet Coke and Mentos. It worked pretty well, as both the kitchen window and my chipped tooth can testify. FML

#19154802
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6915) - you deserved it (28714)

On 02/24/2012 at 4:35pm - misc - by alex (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

#19131405
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36777) - you deserved it (5439)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML

#19106281
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25712) - you deserved it (1645)

On 02/18/2012 at 9:20am - health - by AnastasiyaNicholas - United States (Ohio)

Today, I let my little sister sleep in my room because she had a nightmare. She is currently snoring like an overweight 40 year old man with a cold. FML

#19105693
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21281) - you deserved it (2960)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:07am - misc - by sleepless - United States



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