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TehCookieMonster

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TehCookieMonster
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1176
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TehCookieMonster's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41443) - you deserved it (4618)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML

#20995909
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38801) - you deserved it (5377)

On 12/17/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by Well this Is Awkward (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at my job as a night janitor, at which I work alone, I saw an old man enter a bathroom. When I went to investigate, it was completely empty. I'm now scared to work. FML

#20987406
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51174) - you deserved it (2912)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:50am - work - by scared shitless (man) - United States (California)

Today, the girl of my dreams said yes when I asked her out. Our conversation afterward consisted of her telling me "no one can know" and saying she doesn't want to do things normal couples do. I'm basically in the deepest level of the "friendzone": the friendzoned boyfriend. FML

#20983541
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47222) - you deserved it (4275)

On 12/07/2013 at 1:56am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

#20983492
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36209) - you deserved it (3955)

On 12/07/2013 at 12:58am - misc - by jessierules93 - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor finally password-protected his wifi. Right in the middle of my timed, online exam. FML

#20965985
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25749) - you deserved it (81250)

On 11/21/2013 at 5:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

#20965644
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53379) - you deserved it (11418)

On 11/21/2013 at 11:10am - misc - by smooth (man) - United States

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23554) - you deserved it (60255)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on for a week caused me to orgasm. FML

#20963297
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42849) - you deserved it (6383)

On 11/19/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by you+me-clothes=53>< (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

#20958646
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38326) - you deserved it (2363)

On 11/15/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by mummer11 (woman) - Ireland

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

#20952990
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39278) - you deserved it (3290)

On 11/10/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

#20941762
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19829) - you deserved it (47227)

On 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm - health - by nl4 (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML

#20921378
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36596) - you deserved it (2824)

On 10/15/2013 at 9:09am - misc - by Eggs6131 (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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