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TehCookieMonster

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TehCookieMonster
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  • Number of visits : 304
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML

#20062193
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14418) - you deserved it (2960)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

#20058797
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19022) - you deserved it (1411)

On 09/05/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML

#20042606
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16088) - you deserved it (7484)

On 08/26/2012 at 12:20pm - misc - by S. (woman) - Estonia

Today, my dog was diagnosed with depression. I got him to help with my depression. I guess we can just be miserable together. FML

#20039193
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20917) - you deserved it (1747)

On 08/24/2012 at 11:45am - animals - by alix - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I watched as some idiot made a bad U-turn and I laughed. I then turned into another car. FML

#20031484
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3214) - you deserved it (21427)

On 08/20/2012 at 4:55am - misc - by LOLOLOLOL (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

#20027548
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31136) - you deserved it (1491)

On 08/18/2012 at 1:15am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my family and I went to the movie theater. There weren't enough free seats near the front, so I sat a few rows back with my grandpa. He kept throwing our snacks at my parents' heads all through the movie. He claimed he'd been asleep the whole time, and I'm now grounded. FML

#20027054
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19509) - you deserved it (1620)

On 08/17/2012 at 8:39pm - misc - by wow, thanks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

#20023096
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23492) - you deserved it (1749)

On 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm - intimacy - by what the FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

#20022564
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29262) - you deserved it (2813)

On 08/15/2012 at 1:08pm - health - by theflow (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

#20016514
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14441) - you deserved it (1556)

On 08/12/2012 at 5:23am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24373) - you deserved it (6200)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

#20013286
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16392) - you deserved it (2721)

On 08/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by ice cream dude - United States (Colorado)

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

#20012686
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16697) - you deserved it (1979)

On 08/10/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by banana2894 - United States (Oregon)

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML

#20009222
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16659) - you deserved it (1451)

On 08/08/2012 at 7:23am - work - by TJ (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

#20007961
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25420) - you deserved it (2134)

On 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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