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TehCookieMonster

Offline (the 12/29/2013 at 1:40am) | Search for a member

TehCookieMonster

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1690
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TehCookieMonster's page activity

Visits<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:45pm<b>GentlemanBastard</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 8:55pm<b>alicespoons</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm<b>brookenicolee29</b> - the 02/15/2014 at 4:16pm<b>Ashamed_Sister</b> - the 01/17/2014 at 11:59pm<b>LoveMeDontHateMe</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 1:40pm

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TehCookieMonster's favorite FMLs

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

#21182978
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39616) - you deserved it (4755)

On 06/21/2014 at 11:15am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

#21179835
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54344) - you deserved it (5055)

On 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm - misc - by guest - United States (California)

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

#21166299
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46994) - you deserved it (4766)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm - health - by wish his dad had worn one (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my ex-girlfriend proposed to me, at my wedding. FML

#21158075
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53707) - you deserved it (7353)

On 05/31/2014 at 9:40am - love - by damn it rose (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

#21157398
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57479) - you deserved it (6340)

On 05/30/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by lahiros (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

#21154136
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61558) - you deserved it (5419)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:13am - misc - by Yeppets - United States (Illinois)

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

#21148414
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48901) - you deserved it (6051)

On 05/22/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by stillaproudfather (man) - United States

Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML

#21145130
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33891) - you deserved it (52973)

On 05/19/2014 at 1:15pm - love - by clueless - United States (California)

Today, my four year old son came into the restroom while I was applying my make-up, and asked me "Mommy, are you putting on make-up so that someone will love you?" FML

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

#21133982
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63382) - you deserved it (8077)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

#21132249
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48898) - you deserved it (18022)

On 05/06/2014 at 9:55am - intimacy - by chumman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundred participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half used probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench for five hours. FML

#21103838
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36868) - you deserved it (3408)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:48pm - work - by RIP_Nose (man) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I met online. The picture is in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

#21103818
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45172) - you deserved it (3601)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by kubbyp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

#21102946
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47783) - you deserved it (5908)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:10pm - kids - by I Have Failed (man) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30191) - you deserved it (16175)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)



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Tuesday 22 July 2014

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