TehCookieMonster

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Offline (the 09/02/2015 at 11:17pm)

TehCookieMonster

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5426
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TehCookieMonster's page activity

Visits<b>Vanillanougat</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 4:24pm<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 8:45pm<b>GentlemanBastard</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 8:55pm<b>alicespoons</b> - the 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm<b>brookenicolee29</b> - the 02/15/2014 at 4:16pm<b>Ashamed_Sister</b> - the 01/17/2014 at 11:59pm<b>LoveMeDontHateMe</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 1:40pm

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TehCookieMonster's favorite FMLs

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

by very punny / 09/02/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I was punched in the face because my uncontrollable hiccups were "annoying". FML

by soccer8goalie / 09/02/2014 at 10:13pm / United States (West Virginia) / Health

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

by SadAndDeaf / 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I won a gruelling fitness competition, only to find out the mystery prize was a voucher to get 10 free spray tans. I'm black. FML

by disappointedjamaican / 08/31/2014 at 2:44pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous

Today, I almost got lucky with a girl from my course. We've been flirting since we met. After removing her top and moving downwards with my tongue, whilst moaning my name she decided to mention she has a boyfriend and that we needed to stop. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2014 at 2:44am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy

Today, it's been three weeks since my dad finished growing what he calls a "Jesus beard" and gone out asking for donations and claiming to be Jesus Christ. I've been trying and failing to get a job for 2 years, and he's already raking in cash from gullible idiots. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2014 at 12:16pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

by Amithatevil / 08/29/2014 at 8:35am / Japan (Kanagawa) / Kids

Today, I dreamed I was wrestling an alligator. I quickly woke up to my girlfriend yelling and me holding her in a headlock. FML

by AgentOrion / 08/29/2014 at 12:16am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

by wowzer / 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm / Puerto Rico / Love

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

by nayahbear24 / 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Holidays

Today, the man I have been in love with for years came to me with a beautiful ring and a heartfelt proposal. Too bad it ended with an eager, "So do you think he'll say yes?" FML

by rabidfairy / 08/12/2014 at 10:04pm / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to a job interview, and a guy ahead of me went to enter the building, only to walk face-first into a glass door. I rushed to help him up, and after we had a good laugh about it, I turned to walk inside, only to walk straight into the door as well. FML

by facefuckedguy / 08/12/2014 at 5:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML

by Anonymous / 08/11/2014 at 8:34pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.