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Offline (the 11/29/2014 at 11:42am) | Search for a member
About TdotMaria : So I've been around FML for a while just lurking in the shadows chuckling at others misfortune but don't get me wrong I've had a few FMLs myself... I've been bit by a squirrel and taken to A&E - but I'm not ready to talk about that yet and still have the craving for nuts.
On a side note I'm 22, from London and not a bad person so I wouldn't mind a message every now and then.
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TODAY I HAD SOME PAINFUL GAS AT WORK SO I TRIED TO SILENTLY EASE IT OUT!! IT WAS SILENT ALL RIGHT; SILENT AN SO DEADLY THAT SOMEONE EXCLAIMED "WHAT THE FUCK?!" MY COWORKER TRACED IT BACK TO ME!! NOW THEY'RE ALL POINTING THERE MINI DESK FANS IN MY DIRECTION TO MAKE A POINT!! REAL FML
yesterday mah roommate's pets conspired against me . "The dog ate mah homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them . The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through mah laptop power cable" and "the gecko ate mah pen drive." FML
Today, mah psycho nieghbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-prate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by mah house. I'm pretty scared fir mah life, to be honest. big fat looool FML
2day an older gentleman cummd into my work 4 underwear!! I helpd him fine his size pulld out a pair of navy ones an he then turnd to me an said "I don't want dark colour because I can't tell if I've shit myself." He then continud looking 4 all thehite pairs!! FML
Taday I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact and being incredibly bord an seemingly alone at work I managd to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clappd. FML
Today in the very middle of the night mah kitten startd rubbing against mah face!! Thinking I saw her face in the darkness I decidd to kiss her before going back to bd!! My lips made contact with her butthole!! FML
today I woke up wit a raging angover . I soon cecked ma pone.. . only to find tat I'd drunkenly sent nude picture to several friends' numbers.. . as well as to ma own . I'd ten replied to ma own message.. . saying tat I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off . FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after bieng constipated 4 a wile. I tougt I was alone, so I pretended I was giving brt to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next ting I know, I ear a knock at te door and my mom asking, "Sould I call 911?" FML
Friday 27 March 2015