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Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10582) - you deserved it (35220)
On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10582) - you deserved it (35220)
On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15355) - you deserved it (5416)
On 02/26/2012 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by still learning - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27062) - you deserved it (3680)
On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15665) - you deserved it (16496)
On 02/21/2012 at 3:10am - intimacy - by desperate905 - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22194) - you deserved it (1937)
On 02/19/2012 at 8:14pm - love - by Nicole - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend sang "happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembered the date of the first time he went down on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23164) - you deserved it (2989)
On 02/19/2012 at 6:37am - intimacy - by me - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31059) - you deserved it (6775)
On 02/19/2012 at 4:15am - intimacy - by meet Chloe - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29893) - you deserved it (7768)
On 01/20/2012 at 10:15am - misc - by LonerCow (woman) - United States
Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7024) - you deserved it (24235)
On 01/19/2012 at 10:33pm - kids - by WillaminaL (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13252) - you deserved it (21612)
On 01/18/2012 at 11:09pm - intimacy - by Lickmylovepump (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, out of habit, I said "See you later" to a creepy old male customer who stared at my chest the whole time I was serving him. His response was to wink and say, "Oh, you will." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22331) - you deserved it (3487)
On 01/18/2012 at 2:02pm - misc - by terrified - United States
Today, while looking in the mirror at my full-blown grease-spewing acne-riddled face, my father came up behind me and said, "Don't worry son, I had acne like that when I was your age". I replied, "No you didn't", and his immediate response while laughing was, "No, I didn't." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22847) - you deserved it (2062)
On 01/18/2012 at 10:18am - health - by harshdoobie (man) - Canada
Today, my boyfriend, who is supposed to protect me from murderers and rapists, had an emotional breakdown because he was so excited that I'd cooked french fries for dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11156) - you deserved it (16267)
Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19086) - you deserved it (2277)
On 01/17/2012 at 3:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Libyan Arab Jamahiriya
Monday 20 May 2013
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