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Today, I went to my Christian accountability partner from church to talk about continuing to maintain Christian values. We had sex. Oh, the irony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1843) - you deserved it (8461)
On 04/05/2012 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Badchristian (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4707) - you deserved it (2278)
On 03/31/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12658) - you deserved it (3193)
On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my grandfather described to me in gruesome detail the recurring wet dreams he's been having about Queen Elizabeth II. I think I'm now scarred for life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12204) - you deserved it (1169)
On 03/16/2012 at 7:19pm - intimacy - by regicide? (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4877) - you deserved it (2630)
On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland
Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8204) - you deserved it (1886)
On 03/13/2012 at 8:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14624) - you deserved it (5136)
On 03/13/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Wow (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3527) - you deserved it (11964)
On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13583) - you deserved it (4998)
On 02/26/2012 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by still learning - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22458) - you deserved it (1275)
On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14033) - you deserved it (15231)
On 02/21/2012 at 3:10am - intimacy - by desperate905 - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8416) - you deserved it (749)
On 02/19/2012 at 8:14pm - love - by Nicole - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend sang "happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembered the date of the first time he went down on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7521) - you deserved it (1116)
On 02/19/2012 at 6:37am - intimacy - by me - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11624) - you deserved it (1942)
On 02/19/2012 at 4:15am - intimacy - by meet Chloe - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10192) - you deserved it (2814)
On 01/20/2012 at 10:15am - misc - by LonerCow (woman) - United States
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