THE_Black_Jesus

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THE_Black_Jesus

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 18 September 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1031
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About THE_Black_Jesus : Dance party:
~(','~) (~',')~ \('-'\) (/'-')/ \('-'\)
(/'-')/ €('-')3 \('-')/

•Kik Me: danieloneal95
•Pheed: @DanielOneal
•SnapChat: jknoracial
•So I'm Daniel. I'm 18 and a Senior in high school. I'm an all a round athlete but mainly Wrestling and Baseball.
•Message me and I'll reply. I try to get on here everyday and don't have a Facebook because I don't.

THE_Black_Jesus's page activity

Visits<b>carleybeak</b> - the 03/31/2016 at 4:01pm<b>codyflanders2008</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 10:44pm<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 9:21pm<b>Toutejulie</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 2:59pm<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 5:01pm<b>FrostyKittens</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 1:48am<b>colerean</b> - the 02/23/2014 at 6:34pm<b>hawkeyepeirce</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 5:47pm<b>flufee2</b> - the 01/27/2014 at 7:25pm<b>nicky255</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 7:14pm<b>OmgitsJay</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 6:45pm<b>hayfayday</b> - the 01/04/2014 at 1:36pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 1:00pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 8:07pm<b>herecomestheboom</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 11:35am<b>aishaa1</b> - the 12/29/2013 at 4:21am<b>malaz</b> - the 12/28/2013 at 10:12am<b>HowieDoIt</b> - the 12/28/2013 at 9:01am

THE_Black_Jesus's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of THE_Black_Jesus's badges

THE_Black_Jesus's favorite FMLs

Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

by Oh-Shit! / 08/10/2013 at 11:23am / United States / Health

Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

by OPhere / 04/15/2013 at 3:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 6:29am / Health

Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML

by heallven / 01/31/2013 at 7:26am / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the airport. A creepy man smiled at me, so I politely smiled back. I then realized his shirt said "Smile if you take it in the ass." He then winked at me and walked off. FML

by creepedout / 07/31/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was feeling really stressed so I bought some nice stress relieving lotion. When I got home, I took it out of the bag and accidentally dropped it (not realizing it was made of glass). The bottle shattered into pieces and I even cut my finger on one piece. So much for relieving stress. FML

by Stress / 02/23/2010 at 7:56pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML

by mylifesucks / 08/30/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls." His response: "We don't." FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2009 at 9:51am / United States (Utah) / Transportation

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

by Rhyno / 05/05/2009 at 11:37am / United States (New York) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML

by apparentlyugly / 04/26/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Geek

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

by Hikara / 04/13/2009 at 9:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML

by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Health