Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (58 minutes ago) | Search for a member
About Szaszaspasz : Domestically Challenged - My cookbook has Yellow Pages.
Favourite designers: Makita, DeWalt, Craftsman, JobMate and Black & Decker
There is nothing wrong with getting old. It is when you stop getting older that really sucks.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Today, my mother described what her ideal daughter-in-law should be like. Half-way through her description, fishing for some compliments, I told her that such a girl would be way above my league. She sighed and emphatically agreed. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML
Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML
Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML
Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML
Thursday 22 January 2015