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About Szaszaspasz : Domestically Challenged - My cookbook has Yellow Pages.
Favourite designers: Makita, DeWalt, Craftsman, JobMate and Black & Decker
There is nothing wrong with getting old. It is when you stop getting older that really sucks.
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Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML
Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on Facebook. She's in the forces, and it was her birthday. I asked her if she liked the flowers I sent her. She thanked me, then asked if she could remove our relationship status. When I asked why, she said, "It's not like we're really going out anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML
Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML
Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML
Today, I woke up to find my garage broken into and my car covered in paint and with the words "F*** you". Why? I broke up with my ex because she cheated on me and stole money off me and my mom. Apparently this wasn't a good enough excuse to break her up with her. FML
Today, I was falling asleep on my desk, my head on my fist. My elbow slipped off the edge of the desk and I punched myself, leaving a fist mark on my cheek. At school, people think my parents hit me. My parents think I'm getting bullied at school. No one believes the actual story. FML
Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML
Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML
Today, I realized that 6 months ago I signed up for a 3 day trial for a porn website that turns into a $30 membership after 3 days. I completely forgot the day after and never viewed it. I've spent $180 so far. And I can't remember my password. FML
Today, after a month of searching, I found a perfect apartment which I rented out for the next few months. The rent was inexpensive and the place was close to my job. Turns out, my 'perfect' new apartment overlooks a nudist community. FML
Friday 22 May 2015