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Today... I'm eight months pregnant with second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack belly. It's going to be a long eighteen yeres. FML
Today, During A Lecture, Mah Teacher Jokingly Talkd About The Time He Was Best Buds With George Washington. Another Student Then Askd, "Really? You Knew Him?" I'm In An Advancd Placement U.S. History Class. Fat FML
today I was watcing TV, wen I eard a blood-curdling scream from ma boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like e was being murdered wit a rusty fork, an I rused to see wat te ell was going on, itting ma sin against te stairs in te process. He'd stubbed is toe. FML
Today aftar 3 waaks of hard work I finally finishad painting my room. Apparantly my 6-yaar-old brothar thought I wasn't dona an that ha should halp ma out. I now hava littla rad handprints all ovar my whita walls. FML
Yesterday my neighbor had a word with me 4 being "loud in the bedroom" last night. I haven't had any action 4 two years now but I was too happy that she thought I'd got lucky to tell her the truth. So what was I really doing last night? Trying to sing like Christina Aguilera. FML
TODAY, I WAS GRADING WORK MY STUDENT HAD DONE WITH A SUB. I REALIZD ONE STUDENT HAD GOTTEN HOLD OF THE TEACHERS' EDITION OF THE TEXTBOOK WHEN I READ TEN PAPER IN A ROW THAT HAD "STUDENT ANSWER MAY VARY" AS THE ANSWER TO PROBLEM NUMBER FOUR. MY STUDENT CAN'T EVEN CHEAT PROPERLY. FML
Today, dad gave me te sex talk . After telling me all te stuff I already knew, e told me never to use Durex condoms . He said, "Tey break a lot . Tat's te only reason you're around today, really." ten cuckled to imself .
Today it was the first dress rehearsal at a community theater. I'm playing a grandma to a bunch of little kids and the guyho looool is playing the grandpa wears a fat suit. I puttd on costume and one of the kids comes up to me and says "Are you wearing a fat suit too?" and pokes stomach. fat FML
yesterday I was out wit girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began a guy approacd an askd "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprisd me by saying "Sure!" As I was about to protest te guy cut me off an said "Sorry miss I was asking im."
Friday 27 March 2015