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50 favourites
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Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21044) - you deserved it (5484)
On 09/14/2010 at 2:32pm - misc - by sleepwalker - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was lying on my bed with my boyfriend. I didn't really want to have sex so I told him I would if he really wanted too, but I wouldn't enjoy it. He then started to undo my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9839) - you deserved it (37416)
On 09/06/2010 at 8:50am - intimacy - by sad-sexed (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, while I was at work, I heard one of my employees laughing on the phone. I told him to shut up and get back to work. Turns out he was actually crying because his father had just died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7215) - you deserved it (41449)
On 08/01/2010 at 8:34pm - work - by bloodymatzaball - United States
Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something from the bookshelf, and my boyfriend was below me. I asked, "So, would you catch me if I fell?" He looked back at me, paused for a moment before saying, "How much do you weigh again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (19844) - you deserved it (6712)
On 07/27/2010 at 6:07am - misc - by mauimango7 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got called a f***ing b**ch by one of my students. I teach kindergarten. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38375) - you deserved it (5158)
On 05/29/2010 at 10:36pm - work - by love_today - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17223) - you deserved it (2911)
On 03/06/2010 at 7:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found out a friend of mine likes me. It wasn't by a cute gesture like a sweet little note, or a beautiful heartfelt confession like you might expect. He sprang at my boyfriend and choked him (while I strained to pull him off). Right during the middle of our 60+ student populated class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19839) - you deserved it (1877)
On 01/28/2010 at 3:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4764) - you deserved it (25739)
On 01/08/2010 at 2:56am - misc - by Fuzzy (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot dog. She then said, "If you ask me again, this is what I'll do to you." She then bit the hot dog in half. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6393) - you deserved it (22101)
On 12/28/2009 at 5:16am - intimacy - by Dontworryaboutit (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10722) - you deserved it (30212)
On 12/10/2009 at 7:28pm - misc - by ohcrap (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18549) - you deserved it (12420)
On 12/06/2009 at 3:28pm - kids - by Bill (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28799) - you deserved it (3336)
On 11/26/2009 at 11:26pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I put on my hazard lights, pulled over to the side of the road, and stopped traffic on a busy road to rescue a black cat that had been hit by a car. With everyone watching, I got a towel and slowly approached the cat. It was a garbage bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11159) - you deserved it (23401)
On 11/25/2009 at 11:57am - animals - by TinyDancer22 (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was trying to write an essay for school while sleep deprived. After getting 7 pages into it, I crashed face-first onto the keyboard and slept for 20 minutes. When I woke up, my essay was nothing more than a blank document. My face had been pressing the Backspace button the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15293) - you deserved it (23511)
On 11/10/2009 at 10:38pm - misc - by IHateYouBackspace (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4012) - you deserved it (32985)
On 10/31/2009 at 10:30am - health - by alcoholic (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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