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About StrangeDuckling : I love a good joke but hate it when people get so serious, especially ABOUT a joke
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Today, I Walked In On Ma Boyfriend Saying, ( I Sall Be Te Prince, An You Sall Be Te Princess, ) To Is Amster. Once E Saw Me, E Quickly Turned To Te Amster An Said, ( I Ave To Go. Te Dragon Is Ere. ) FML
Today... I walked into a subway car which was empty except 4 this sleeping hobo. Three stops later... the guy wakes up an starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me... I didn't realize that he would start running towards me... still peeing. FML
Today at work I was playing football wit one of my camp kids in te indoor-pool. I saw a co-worker walking by and I decided to it im wit te football. Te football slipped out of my and and I it a lady in te face breaking er nose and causing er to fall and get a concussion. FML
Taday I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling pants down , phone fell out of pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching fir it , the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML
Today... I was in lina at a chackout. I hava quita a faw facial piarcings and 1/2" gaugas in my aars. Tha vary haavy cashiar asks how big my gaugas r and than starts talling ma about how sha racantly got har clitoris piarcad and how somatimas sha has orgasms bahind tha ragistar. FML
Taday mah five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Beho you want to be B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turnd to me and said "Mom I want to be a hooker." FML
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, ma two year old daugter decided to crawl on top of te covers on ma bed because se was scared since tere looool was a tunder storm. I tougt se was one of our cats so I kicked er off. Se it te wall.
Today, my usband of ten years was playing te Sims . I asked im about te ouse e built . Apparently, it was is dream ouse, an e recreated imself as a Sim so e could live in it . Ten I asked imere te wife was . Tere was no wife . It was is appy place . FML
TODAY, I FOUND OUT TAT I'M PREGNANT. MY USBAND AN I AVE BEEN TRYING TO AVE A BABBY 4 A WILE, AN I WAS VERY EXCITED TO TELL IM TE NEWS. WEN I OPENED IS OFFICE PLANNING TO SURPRISE IM WIT TE NEWS, I SAW IM MAKING OUT WIT A MAN. FML
today I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over there kitten. Twice. FML
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I calld my girlfriend to see if she wantd to go get some food . Then I heard her phone ring . Through the wall . FML
Taday I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she orderd the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so u shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss u later." She lookd at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML
Today, I came out to my mom. I had an epic speech planned, an when I tried to tell her, it all fell apart an I started crying an just said, ( I'm gay. ) After a few seconds silence, my mom sighs an says, ( Duh. ) mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015