StoneCold_

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StoneCold_

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 27 January 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1086
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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StoneCold_'s FML badges

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StoneCold_'s favorite FMLs

Today, while having sex, I told my boyfriend that I love him. I could feel him go soft inside me. FML

by KrissyBearr / 12/30/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

by dealingdave / 12/19/2011 at 7:24am / United States (Missouri) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

by lovely / 12/19/2011 at 1:43am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

by Musicfreak / 12/18/2011 at 6:36pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

by scammed / 12/18/2011 at 12:18am / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

by espylone / 12/17/2011 at 10:42am / France / Kids

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

by anne / 12/16/2011 at 10:46pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2011 at 5:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

by Grubendol / 12/15/2011 at 12:30pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML

by Mariah Heimann / 12/14/2011 at 10:34pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML

by annoyed / 12/14/2011 at 9:06am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my landlord came to my apartment because of complaints from my neighbors, saying that animals are not allowed inside. Turns out my roommate makes cat-noises when she's bored. My landlord still doesn't believe me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 8:57am / Norway (Sogn og Fjordane) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

by reallyman__639 / 12/13/2011 at 7:26am / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML

by pinkleopleurodon / 12/09/2011 at 7:23am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML

by blondie101 / 12/09/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous