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Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23901) - you deserved it (3301)
On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18745) - you deserved it (1706)
On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)
Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10104) - you deserved it (30020)
On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States
Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10104) - you deserved it (30020)
On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States
Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10104) - you deserved it (30020)
On 12/07/2011 at 9:46am - misc - by Notadrinkanddriveidiot - United States
Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8907) - you deserved it (19353)
On 11/26/2010 at 10:43am - misc - by blackitalian - United States
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30518) - you deserved it (270238)
On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (459672) - you deserved it (571251)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (177142) - you deserved it (61324)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "The next person who talks gets a note to take home," one kid looked right at me and went "meow". FML
I agree, your life sucks (14330) - you deserved it (4717)
On 01/09/2009 at 3:54am - kids - by Liz - Sent from mobile version
Today, my cat didn't quite manage to eat the whole turkey because it was frozen. He just licked it all over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16252) - you deserved it (3312)
On 12/28/2008 at 2:02am - animals - by bundie - Sent from mobile version
Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (42913) - you deserved it (4633)
On 12/19/2008 at 11:05am - intimacy - by chicochico - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18318) - you deserved it (5561)
On 12/17/2008 at 4:40am - love - by Gen - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18318) - you deserved it (5561)
On 12/17/2008 at 4:40am - love - by Gen - Sent from mobile version
Today, during a never-ending dinner with really boring friends, I faked being tired and told my husband, "Let’s go honey, we have a long way to drive home." He looks at me and says, "Well… we are at home." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11723) - you deserved it (54918)
On 11/07/2008 at 12:47am - misc - by alice5000 - Sent from mobile version
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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