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I agree, your life sucks (10425) - you deserved it (1344)
On 08/12/2011 at 2:17am - misc - by TuteSweet - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24285) - you deserved it (4365)
On 08/10/2011 at 1:48am - misc - by thatfatkid - United States (Iowa)
Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28822) - you deserved it (5830)
On 08/09/2011 at 6:55pm - animals - by Zoe Avila - United States
Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26895) - you deserved it (5312)
On 08/09/2011 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, at work in a liquor store, a man came in to demand a refund because after he "drank the whole bottle of Jack" he "couldn't get it up" for his wife. He thought that alcohol was supposed to be an aphrodisiac, and blamed me personally for his "whiskey dick". FML
I agree, your life sucks (23868) - you deserved it (1771)
On 08/09/2011 at 2:24am - intimacy - by OyGeeze28 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12439) - you deserved it (16277)
On 03/31/2011 at 3:18pm - misc - by nicky (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14850) - you deserved it (15935)
On 03/31/2011 at 11:54am - misc - by Nate (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I woke up to what I thought was my 9 month old son breastfeeding. It was my boyfriend. According to him, he wanted to experience what his mother never gave him as a kid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31861) - you deserved it (5975)
On 03/30/2011 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30318) - you deserved it (7426)
On 03/30/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by kingpin7 - United States
Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58115) - you deserved it (7322)
On 03/29/2011 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by Johntheladdo (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10689) - you deserved it (51744)
On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't have been so bothered if she hadn't had phone sex with him, all while pretending to be me. He got so into it, he now thinks we're a couple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17651) - you deserved it (3639)
On 03/27/2011 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my wife created a "Points Reward" system for the privilege of sex. 10 points for doing the dishes, 20 for the laundry, etc. How many points do I need before I can have sex with her? 2300. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59070) - you deserved it (11124)
On 03/22/2011 at 10:59am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37906) - you deserved it (7573)
On 03/20/2011 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by HotAsTits (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I was on Facebook, looking at pictures from a party I went to. In most of them, I was sitting on the sofa, my shorts bunched to the side, with half my vajayjay on show. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15054) - you deserved it (45840)
On 03/19/2011 at 11:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
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