Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
This member hasn't filled in the description.
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I want to Walmart wit ma grlfriand. Wa bougt ta usual, food, Advil an condoms. Wila I waitad in lina, sa want to grab avaryting. Wan sa cummad back, I lookad in ta cart an saw no condoms. I askad ar y sa didn't gat any. Sa rapliad "Tay ran out of smalls." Evaryona laugad.
Today, I was in line at te grocery store wit ma 3-year-old son!! He was olding a tub of yogurt tat ad on it a cow wereing sunglasses!! He souted, "Mommy, look at te fat cow wit te sunglasse on!" To ma orror, te obese woman in front of us turned around!! Se was wereing sunglasses!! FML
Today... I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML
today my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment , refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. mega FML
Today...hile driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of mah car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at mah windscreen an shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
Today, we ran out of milk an my 4 year old son cummd up to me an askd if he can "milk" my wife's breasts 4 his cereals. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him an his sister is selfish 4 not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. mega FML
2day I went out with my family an boyfriend fir dinner . We were all having a good time , an suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee , take out an engagement ring , an say "I choose you , Pikachu," with a straight face . He was serious . FML
Today... while riding in the car with mah friends... we stopped at a red light. To our left... a very obese... middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers fir the duration of the red light. FML
Today , my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall , she just crack up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy , so I have to looool rely on electronics. What's worse , she told my dad AND postd a statu on facebook about it. FML
Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML
yesterday I walked in on ma usband in our room completely naked. At frst I tougt e was waiting for me so we could ave sex. He adn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise im. Ten I saw tat e ad drawn a face on is penis and e was talking to it. FML
Today... I was having sex with a girl. She was really into it and not holding back on the noise...That is... until I recieved a text message from my little sister next door reading ( If she is making that much noise... she is probably faking it...Trust me... I know. ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015