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Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37800) - you deserved it (6085)
On 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm - misc - by xXxJoe16xXx - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38497) - you deserved it (2230)
On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)
Today, I found out I will not be getting my class ring. The jeweler has a policy against doing engravings that contain "obscene or offensive language or phrases". What obscene phrase did I want? My initials and year. W.T.F. 2010. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30906) - you deserved it (1915)
On 11/18/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by Grad2010 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52340) - you deserved it (5136)
On 10/27/2009 at 9:27am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36631) - you deserved it (2337)
On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year old son came up to me and asked if he can "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereals. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27090) - you deserved it (2767)
On 09/30/2009 at 1:17am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, I saw a weight loss 'before and after' advertisement and I wished I could at least look like the 'before'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28029) - you deserved it (17030)
On 09/16/2009 at 9:43pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39739) - you deserved it (2958)
On 09/14/2009 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)
Today, I realized that the shorts I have been wearing all day say "Juicy" on the ass. My name is John. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9696) - you deserved it (36964)
On 09/08/2009 at 9:33pm - misc - by JuicyJohn (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97102) - you deserved it (23453)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38791) - you deserved it (4106)
On 09/04/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by Scarred (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56269) - you deserved it (7310)
On 08/25/2009 at 12:04pm - love - by Sarah (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38656) - you deserved it (3475)
On 08/19/2009 at 6:32am - misc - by Dude (man) - United States (California)
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64390) - you deserved it (4521)
On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday. She really loves Twilight, so I decided to get her a vampire-related cake. I wrote down "fangs" as a decoration. The baker thought it said "wangs". My 10 year old daughter's cake has wangs all over it. Her party is tomorrow morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35829) - you deserved it (6631)
On 08/08/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by TheCake - United States (Florida)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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