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Stalkerloo's FML badges
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Stalkerloo's favorite FMLs
Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2013 at 2:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 2:27am / United States / Transportation
Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML
by lingling / 12/15/2012 at 7:57pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML
by LearnGeographyUSA / 12/12/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/11/2012 at 12:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML
by Alec / 12/10/2012 at 2:01am / United States / Transportation
Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2012 at 4:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
by lingadoo / 12/07/2012 at 12:46am / Kuwait (Al Kuwayt) / Miscellaneous
by SpanishInFrenchClass / 12/06/2012 at 12:35am / United States / Work
by Banana / 12/04/2012 at 11:04am / Puerto Rico / Transportation
by poopsthegame / 12/03/2012 at 2:36am / United States (Hawaii) / Transportation
Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML
by nekkidness / 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…
- Today, while in a CROWDED restaurant, my mother asked my grandfather what he was going in to order.… Today, I woke up hung over and sad I had pissed away 27 years of sobriety. Then it occurred to me… Today, I was arriving at my grandmas and when I met her she asked "Where's your girlfriend?" I told…