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SpringDiver's favorite FMLs
by lprocter1982 / 11/07/2011 at 10:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 11:52am / United States / Kids
by Mayabie / 10/16/2011 at 5:08pm / France / Work
by This Guy / 09/26/2011 at 1:18pm / United States / Money
Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 10:08am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/29/2011 at 2:29am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/04/2011 at 2:15am / Mozambique (Maputo) / Miscellaneous
by poopybed / 04/01/2011 at 5:12pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
by Annie / 02/24/2011 at 1:39am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML
by Username / 02/12/2011 at 9:17pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
Today, after 2 years together, my boyfriend finally proposed. I excitedly said yes. Just as we began to kiss, my half crazed cat ran in, dropped a half eaten bird at our feet, and promptly threw up on the carpet. FML
by birdguts / 01/30/2011 at 9:34pm / United Kingdom / Animals
Today, a friend and I saw some deer outside my car. Since we were both leaving for college the next day we wanted to do something memorable so we decided to chase the deer. Turns out the deer wanted to chase us too. We ran for over five minutes screaming. FML
by Anonymous / 01/22/2011 at 4:03am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 12:20am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML
by bullseyed / 12/07/2010 at 11:20pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by nk / 11/03/2010 at 12:39am / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
- Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door,… Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was… Today, I did the "walk of shame" sixteen blocks. It wouldn't have been so bad if the sidewalks and…