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SpringDiver's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML
by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 5:56pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML
by FML / 05/15/2012 at 3:02pm / Finland / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized I was getting a bit chubbier than usual. I decided to go for a little jog to stay in shape. Little did I know, my neighbors that just moved in brought along with them, a fully grown German Shepherd. Not tamed. My "jog" quickly turned into a "sprint for my life". FML
by I Don't Exorcise / 05/09/2012 at 11:34pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/07/2012 at 10:52pm / United States / Money
Today, while trying to kill a spider in my kitchen, I thought it would be wise to throw a bottle at it. The bottle hit the wall, bounced off the fridge and hit me in the face. The lucky spider crawled away, and is surely still laughing somewhere. FML
by lexii / 05/05/2012 at 1:01am / United States / Animals
by Eragons_Mommy92 / 05/04/2012 at 10:38am / United States / Money
by afraidtoburn / 02/25/2012 at 11:18pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by Kramer / 02/16/2012 at 7:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by workaholic / 02/15/2012 at 6:09am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I totaled my car, because I mistook the leaves blowing across the road for a child. I swerved and hit a tree. The home owner wants to sue for "harming his tree" and hospital wants to test my mental stability. FML
by wrecked / 01/22/2012 at 8:52pm / United States / Transportation
by steve / 12/22/2011 at 10:02pm / United States / Animals
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
by Oily / 12/16/2011 at 4:08am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Kids
Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML
by Anonymous / 12/13/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by religionbites621 / 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I went to the Eiffel Tower with my boyfriend. We’d been talking about getting married for a… Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.…