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SpringDiver's favorite FMLs
Today, I drove 45 minutes to take my full driver's test. At the end of the test, the instructor told me I'd done everything perfectly, but had failed before I left the parking lot. I didn't see the "one way" sign at the entrance. FML
by unlicensed / 08/01/2012 at 12:20pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML
by anonymous / 07/28/2012 at 9:26am / Lebanon / Transportation
Today, I was the maid of honor at my sister's wedding. I was the first one to walk down the aisle, where I managed to trip over a wire, shutting off the music and falling on my face. My family cheered and took pictures. FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2012 at 6:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML
by Bishop / 06/06/2012 at 10:19am / Transportation
Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML
by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (Iowa) / Kids
by buckley456 / 05/27/2012 at 11:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by HorcruxDelight73 / 05/26/2012 at 7:00pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife allowed my mother-in-law to move in with us. She believes the government spies on her in the shower, and that the Prime Minister is a shape-shifting lizard who wants to microchip us all. I have to live with this psychotic wench until someone is desperate enough to employ her. FML
by fuq / 05/22/2012 at 2:42pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You’re hot. Are you single?" FML
by bronco_lover89 / 05/21/2012 at 9:05pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by 23yearoldtoddler / 05/18/2012 at 10:13am / United States / Kids
Today, I was reading a book on paper for the first time in maybe a month. I had to stop at a word I did not recognise. Because I'm so used to using a Kindle, I tried to get the definition by pressing it. I had my finger on the word for a few seconds before I realised it was paper. FML
by Bilze / 05/17/2012 at 2:57pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was trying to convince my husband to not trim the lower branches of my favorite tree. After pleading my case, I turned around and ran smack into one of said branches. My face and my dignity still hurt. FML
by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 12:28pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 05/17/2012 at 10:37am / Australia / Health
Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML
by ...... / 05/16/2012 at 6:29pm / United States / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I asked a customer to send me via e-mail the image he wanted me to print. He said, "I don't…
- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, while on holiday in Morocco, I got arrested by a cop. “Sir, you were driving at 90 instead…