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Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20737) - you deserved it (1123) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
I agree, your life sucks (29322) - you deserved it (6977)
On 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22408) - you deserved it (1362)
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4729) - you deserved it (33319)
On 06/26/2012 at 1:44am - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4650) - you deserved it (49100)
On 06/21/2012 at 12:11am - work - by daddy'sgirl - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I got into a huge fight with a girl at school. My mom and dad decided to punish me by letting my three older brothers pick out my wardrobe for the next week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18592) - you deserved it (13093)
On 06/19/2012 at 12:38pm - misc - by Shelby - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6361) - you deserved it (90753)
On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)
Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34182) - you deserved it (2878)
On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)
Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24824) - you deserved it (2159)
On 06/04/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by whattheheck - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5674) - you deserved it (24980)
On 06/03/2012 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Spain (Castilla y Leon)
Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25456) - you deserved it (1938)
On 06/01/2012 at 3:02am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37198) - you deserved it (3020)
On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24597) - you deserved it (4160)
On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, I sarcastically pointed out a book to my mom, titled "Living Successfully With Screwed Up People." She already has it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14100) - you deserved it (3153)
On 05/03/2012 at 1:45pm - misc - by screwedupkid -
Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24558) - you deserved it (1906)
On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
Monday 17 June 2013
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