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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Sofa_King

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Sofa_King
  • Town/Country : European Union
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 23 February 1988 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 21927
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Sofa_King : Handsome lad going by the name of Matthew

Sofa_King's last visitors

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Sofa_King's favorite FMLs

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

#2387828 (249)

I agree, your life sucks (50723) - you deserved it (3433)

On 05/28/2009 at 9:32pm - misc - by Jeanine (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I scored two prime baseball tickets from a supplier at work. I phoned my dad to tell him the good news. He said that's great, my brother and him would love to see the game. I said, no, I'm taking you to the game. He told me I was being selfish and hung up the phone. FML

#1926739 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (51993) - you deserved it (1603)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:17am - misc - by Hank (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mother sent a letter to my best friend trying to comfort her over the death of her mother. She signed the letter "LOL, Jen" thinking LOL stood for "lots of love." FML

#1429978 (205)

I agree, your life sucks (52748) - you deserved it (3684)

On 04/28/2009 at 5:51pm - misc - by unlolable4321 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my alarm went off. I reached to swat it, missed, slipped, smacked my face on my dresser, and fell on the floor. As I picked myself up off the floor, I hit my head on the open top drawer of my other dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness, I was attacked by two pieces of furniture. FML

#1250407 (112)

I agree, your life sucks (44678) - you deserved it (7553)

On 04/23/2009 at 6:45am - misc - by DBR (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML

#1135948 (299)

I agree, your life sucks (91785) - you deserved it (8816)

On 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm - health - by Litterbox (woman) - United States (Texas)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

#932548 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (101561) - you deserved it (4863)

On 04/12/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by suckstobeme (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML

#924163 (127)

I agree, your life sucks (87609) - you deserved it (2863)

On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - health - by Fitz (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

#871042 (145)

I agree, your life sucks (84027) - you deserved it (3349)

On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me "have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "you mean with other people?" FML

#722108 (119)

I agree, your life sucks (16025) - you deserved it (52523)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

#721846 (281)

I agree, your life sucks (107197) - you deserved it (5602)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:17am - health - by warp_routine (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

#617200 (124)

I agree, your life sucks (103106) - you deserved it (8123)

On 03/26/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by lollipopp56 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, at the gym, I saw this really pretty girl. Trying to impress her, I started lifting with heavy weights. One of the weights slipped out of my hand. I then dropped the other one, trying to make it seem like it was on purpose. I dropped the weight on my phone. I squealed. She giggled. FML

#547480 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (8166) - you deserved it (61571)

On 03/23/2009 at 1:42am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

#538708 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (51099) - you deserved it (5323)

On 03/22/2009 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by liz1234 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

#433084 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (61650) - you deserved it (9920)

On 03/18/2009 at 1:41am - misc - by Jaxter (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML

#185328 (448)

I agree, your life sucks (26694) - you deserved it (322929)

On 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by PicturePerfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)