I'm a graduate student, going for a Master's of Divinity. The long term plan is to become a clergyman in the Methodist Church. I also play Dungeons and Dragons and enjoy Harry Potter books. Have I blown your mind yet?
Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7248) - you totally deserved it (21647)
On 10/05/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Painful (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35151) - you totally deserved it (4502)
On 09/07/2009 at 3:19pm - kids - by Waheyyy (man) - United Kingdom
Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8762) - you totally deserved it (27510)
On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was doing my monthly day of laundry. Apparently, I didn't check all the pockets in my jeans and missed a lighter in a back pocket. The firemen said an exploding drier was the most interesting call they have got this year. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8805) - you totally deserved it (22771)
On 08/28/2009 at 2:07pm - misc - by boompockets (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38525) - you totally deserved it (8700)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, my dad met my boyfriend. The first words out of my dad's mouth were "If my daughter sees your penis, I'll cut it off". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43331) - you totally deserved it (4473)
On 08/27/2009 at 6:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29639) - you totally deserved it (6214)
On 08/18/2009 at 7:47am - health - by Ahhwtf (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35433) - you totally deserved it (961)
On 07/31/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by roofer (man) - United States (New York)
Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11189) - you totally deserved it (27417)
On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend of 8 years attempted to explain to me how the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a BS in Biology and a MS in Anthropology and I am working on my Phd and she thinks I am being an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32516) - you totally deserved it (6085)
On 07/23/2009 at 2:13am - work - by published_anthropologist (man) - United States
Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44137) - you totally deserved it (1901)
On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29079) - you totally deserved it (16450)
On 07/21/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by emperor (man) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)
Today, after work, I parked in the parking lot I go to every day to let heavy traffic go by. As I was about to leave, two cops suddenly yanked me out of the car and arrested me for "stocking," as they spelled it on the report. Some paranoid girl thought I was parking there every day to watch her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30905) - you totally deserved it (1740)
On 07/20/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by et510 (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26744) - you totally deserved it (6180)
On 07/17/2009 at 1:36am - intimacy - by Cyberella (woman) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26584) - you totally deserved it (12640)
On 07/05/2009 at 2:16pm - misc - by shit... (man) - United States (Georgia)
