Smilez96

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Smilez96

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 2794
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Smilez96's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of Smilez96's badges

Smilez96's favorite FMLs

Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

by phukt / 05/19/2010 at 2:42pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2010 at 6:39am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

by smiler / 03/17/2010 at 12:59pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man "discreetly" jerking it. FML

by today / 03/17/2010 at 2:12am / Intimacy

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was in bed with my boyfriend, in the middle of foreplay, and somehow out of my mouth came, "I want to be inside you." I'm a woman. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 3:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my dad asked me if I could convince my mother to get a Brazillian wax. If that's not bad enough, my mother heard and yelled from the other room, "I like my furball." FML

by Grossed Out / 03/13/2010 at 5:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML

by Jamie / 03/10/2010 at 3:29pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

by ohno / 03/10/2010 at 6:05am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's sex." FML

by littlemissgullible / 03/09/2010 at 8:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

by fml / 03/07/2010 at 10:46am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. She pulls out a freezer bag full of condoms and says "I have some cooler ones upstairs, if you want his penis to glow in the dark." FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2010 at 7:32pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

by anonymous / 03/06/2010 at 1:10am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

by lalararara / 03/04/2010 at 10:48am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I got an allergic reaction to Nair. It was so bad I had to have my girlfriend take me to the hospital at 2am. Where was the allergic reaction? On my nuts. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2010 at 1:37am / United States (California) / Intimacy