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Sleepy340's favorite FMLs
by kk / 01/09/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML
by georgiamarshall_ / 01/09/2013 at 5:42am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by ugh / 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML
by no sleep for me / 01/08/2013 at 2:44am / Miscellaneous
by legitweirdo / 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by gassy / 01/07/2013 at 10:40am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML
by BAMN2187 / 12/30/2012 at 10:51pm / United States / Work
by gaggin / 12/26/2012 at 2:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending". She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML
by really mature, GRAN / 12/25/2012 at 3:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML
by Oops / 12/25/2012 at 6:17am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2012 at 2:12am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML
by un_christmas / 12/25/2012 at 1:41am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Love
Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML
by joyness / 12/20/2012 at 9:49am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Transportation
by Bonding_boys / 12/17/2012 at 11:21am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana…